DIRT: the grunge diaries (𝒱𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝒾𝒶'𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃)

entry #100 - baghdad state of mind

⚠️ lame jokes ⚠️

'Come on, Baghdad. You can't look that bad in bikinis'. Gerry yells, from three floors down, right while I'm curiously looking down on my body wondering when the hell did my bruises on my hipbones become purple. Body consciousness and body shaming hitting like clockwork, as always, here at the Alice in Chains nerve training camp. And if I couldn't care any less about having my lover's hand prints on my skin, visible and all... I care a bit too much about Gerry's words. I mean, they don't affect me personally, his whole is comment is delusional in itself: guy pronounces 'Baghdad' like 'bag-dad' and probably would pronounce Iraq like 'eye-rack'. I ain't Iraqi, so his Baghdad name calling thing barely gets to my ears. What gets to my ears, loud and clear, though, is his nastiness. He keeps harassing me because I'm fucking Arab, for some reason undisclosed besides the hate he feels for everything I am and everything I do, and it's pretty fucking lame of him. Starting from the Beirut of this morning, all the way to the Baghdad of right now, I ain't having any of the delusional crap he keeps saying for the sake of riling me up with. From to Levant to Mesopotamia, zero fucks were given on my side. Reason why I just roll my eyes back in annoyance, sigh, flip the bird at him from my window ... and wonder what Arab country capital he will call me after, next.

'Baby, are you from Baghdad? 'Cause I wanna see you Baghdad ass up'. Sean chimes in, on top of his above average intelligence and of his natural sense of humour, with our feathered son on his shoulder, and Gerry's same, horrible way of pronouncing the word 'Baghdad'... and I look at him with heart shaped eyes. Because he's white as cracker, he is pretty sure I'm from Damascus, he's just cracked a Baghdad joke with the straightest face ever, and it wasn't offensive at all! More than a joke, it was a way to put Gerry back in his place and to compliment me for the non-Iraqi bum I've done nothing to achieve ! And honestly, even if I'm not originally from Iraq, and according to Gerry I am Iraqi and fat, I find this beautiful of Sean !

Hold on though... Beirut, Baghdad, Gaza, Giza, Damascus... who's gonna offer more ? And who's finally gonna guess my provenience right? Besides the all Syrian guy at the Syrian restaurant who offered free of charge fellatio encore to Sean and I, because I'm Palestinian and I'm funny?

Heard it, Cuntrell ? I am A COOL-FUN-PERSON-FROM-PALESTINE! You're the only person in the world who has a single hard feeling towards me... time to ask yourself a couple questions, right buddy ?

'I thought you were gonna say 'because your ass is bombastic'! I answer, cracking a stereotypical joke about Arabs and explosives ... and I have a pass for cracking jokes about Arabs and explosives, because I am Arab, and I know that all of these prejudices about explosives on us are pretty much dumbfounded. Arab privilege, you call it ! Everyone laughs at my comment, except Gerry. Gerry looks at me like he's gonna come upstairs and crucify me because I ain't having any of his shit today, and he can't stand my unquestioning tolerance. Sorry Cuntrell, I am PALESTINIAN ! We are tolerant, resilient people by nature ! And we are FUNNY and good spirited, always, no matter the adversities!

I put all of my national pride apart, with much difficulty... and I do a little spin on my spot for my beautiful, intelligent, funny, open minded non boyfriend boyfriend who's looking at me from three floors down. He winks, I wink back, and I feel like I may as well Baghdad ass up for him, at this point. He deserves it hundred percent, and I'm oh so ready to deliver. I arch my back and I stick my bum out in a sensual, yet playful manner. He fans himself, silly and cute as only he can be, then he pretends to shoot a Polaroid of me to capture this silliness in time... and once again, I realise that we are really made for eachother ! We are perfection, together, all the way from Levant to Seattle ! New degree of perfection unlocked, 4:55 on the clock: Baghdad jokes and silly hotel window skits with the daddy of my unborn daughter Syria, and of my firstborn Cock Soup ! I'm swooning !