DIRT: the grunge diaries (𝒱𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝒾𝒶'𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃)

entry #138 - ugly truth

⚠️ another chapter in which nothing happens because the writer is having a crisis. I hope better stuff will come soon x ⚠️

'In the Bible. Amen'. He answers, as dryly as it comes, his hand still scratching his chin like he's hundred percent sure he's the finest intellectual in the world. Well, he isn't, if I'm entitled to have my say, but he thinks he is, he also thinks he's funny... and there's nothing I can do to prove him wrong, or to pull him out of his wiseass, clowny element. He's not intellectual at all, at least not when it comes to geography, and he's not willing to make his ignorance on the subject any better. He thinks he already knows everything there's to know, and he refuses to welcome any more knowledge in his simplistic brain. He isn't funny at all, at least not when it comes to not giving me a smidgen of attention the very few times I want to be serious with him. I had hopes that he was gonna finally say something slightly more intelligent than 'Bethlehem is in the Bible', he looked like he was really trying his best not to repeat it all over again, especially after I offered my nethers over his face as the prize at stake for a correct guess... but no way. Not even that was enough to make him give a single fuck about where I'm from, and I feel like I've ran out of ways to tell him what I'd like to tell him. He just doesn't care, not even a little bit. Bet he'd care a little bit more, if I shut the fuck up, called it quits with mentioning Jesus Christ's birthplace, and just sat on his face like he'd so bloody love me to.

But hey, no hard feelings in this house. I know that by mentioning Jesus Christ's birthplace seemingly out of context, over and over again, I'm making myself look as either a Christianity freak, or as a weird fucking ass... and lowkey, I can't blame him for taking me no seriously. What I can blame him for, though, is of not being able to grab my hints, and of acting all apologetic when I frown at his stupid remarks, instead of wondering why they make me frown to begin with. How can someone be so ignorant, and so proud to be so? I could never! When that joke about him being part Irish first scratched the surface, courtesy of a very humorous Layne, I didn't hesitate to ask him if it was just a joke per se, or if he really had Irish ancestry. I couldn't have cared any less about figuring out where he was originally from, he could've been from a dirty slum and I would've still loved him... but I cared enough to ask, I was feeling that kinda curiosity, and as a Palestinian person with great admiration for our Irish brothers in struggle, I was quite happy to find out that the guy I was crushing over was actually part Irish. Standard ! On his side, he never fucking cared about finding out things about me. Back in the day, he thought I was Italian, and he was ready to swear upon that like it was the beam of light. Well it wasn't, and he learned it only when the receptionist of the Marriott hotel grabbed my passport and asked me if I was a terrorist, a refugee, or both. He decreed I was Syrian and stuck with that, for no absolute reason besides a very wrong interpretation of a drunken exchange I had with Layne at a night fucking club. I told him that I ain't Syrian, last night in the cab, I dared him to guess where I'm from, he failed... and I don't know what I am to him now, besides a joke. Because he's still laughing, and I'm looking at him with my most serious face on, trying to keep my chill together even if it's getting harder and harder to do the thing. Exasperation can do one head in, and I'm getting a good motherfucking taste of it lately.

'I meant ... geographically?' I speak, somehow succeeding in my intent of keeping my chill together and acting all unbothered, even if I'd kinda like to scream and throw a slipper or two, out of frustration. I'm laying with my head over my clowny boyfriend's chest, he's still laughing, and I'm still having faith that if I keep pushing words out of his mouth... I'll eventually get him there, in the end. He's hopeless, just not that level of hopeless. He's a smart man, he really does know a little bit of everything, and I can talk to him about pretty much any topic that comes to my mind. Geography is not his forte, but hey there... ain't he the same guy who knows that Cyprus is right west of Syria, in the Mediterranean Sea, and that it is considered as a Middle Eastern country, not as an European country ? I'm keeping my hopes moderately high for a reason, ain't I ?