DIRT: the grunge diaries (𝒱𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝒾𝒶'𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃)

entry #105 - what the hell have I

⚠️ lame jokes as always. Mentions of eating disorders ⚠️

'We ... I mean, I need the morning after pill'. I speak, all in a single breath, and I only stall a bit, when by mistake, I tell the doctor that we need the morning after pill. And I don't qualify the 'we' in question, because that'd be hella cheesy, if I told the doctor that the 'we' in question means my haram habibi and I. Because y'know, it takes two to tango, but Sean doesn't need the morning after pill, he has a penis, although a 'small' one, and he ain't the one with a child nesting in the fallopian tubes. I have the seeds of a baby Syria in my ovaries, and I do need the pill because I don't wish to become a mother anytime soon. I am haram for turning down God's biggest gift to a woman in her fertile age, but I don't care. I will happily be haram, if I know that my happiness depends on it. And I will go down on history books as an idiot too, because I'm talking about my hunk and I like we're a joint item ... when in reality, we ain't that just yet. We are cute together, he loves me and I love him, but we aren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend just yet. Everything between us is sweet and blissful as heck, but we don't formally belong. And, much to my embarrassment, I only remembered about the state of the art between us post speaking. So silly. So Victoria. So delusional. If I were Gerry, I'd be fuming by now. But I'm Victoria, and I'm just blushing and cringing inside.

I shrug, acting like what I've just said is none of my business, and I look at Bess over anyone else. She's here to get the morning after pill, too ... so why can't I try and pretend that when I said 'we', I meant my best friend and I? Wouldn't be that much of a lie to begin with. Bessie probably needs the pill more than I do! And she probably needs an early fatherhood test, because one just can't know if her baby is Layne's, Gerry's, or Dave's.

'When was the last time you had unprotected sex, Miss Khair?' The doctor asks me, with the hint of a reassuring smile on his lips, because he can feel my discomfort, I'm sure he hasn't quite understood the reason for it, but still he wants to make it better for me. I slightly smile back, and my smile turns into a full blown, amused laugh, when I realise that I've already once heard the doctor chime in and ask me when was the last time I had unprotected sex. He asked me that yesterday, when I worked my silly charm on him, and I tried to get a prescription for the morning after pill, just in case I would've ended up needing it, at some point. That, because I'm a very horny but very farsighted lady! I have a little bit of PSTD, when it comes to Sean, condoms, and cumshots. Sometimes, condoms just don't resist the heat and the friction between us. Sometimes, he just takes 'em off with no prior notice. Yesterday, when we fucked in the toilet at the mall in Green River, he peeled the condom off mid fuck, and we kept it going bareback til the end. He pulled off one millisecond before releasing... and man, I was afraid he was gonna push some baby inside of me, with all that oozing savoir faire of his. Plus, when he's about to cum, you never know if it's gonna end inside of you, or straight in your eye, and it can get pretty frightening. That was the reason, more like these were the reasons why I asked doctor Al-Yasiri to prescribe me the morning after pill. Just in case, y'know... for the future. But apparently, my linear, farsighted thinking wasn't enough to warrant me a prescription for emergency contraception. Because, according to the doctor, and judging by my very candid accounts on my sex life, 'I didn't need the pill at all '. Like I didn't need a crab check, because according to Bess, 'I have good, healthy banana that only has eyes and inches for me'. Hooray !

The doctor is looking at me, amused smile on his lips, and I know he's internally thinking that I'm a silly little ass who wants a prescription for the morning after pill although she doesn't need any. Again. Yesterday I didn't need a prescription, and we're kinda civilised about that... but now, I promise I do. But how do I tell doctor Al-Yasiri that my non boyfriend's boyfriend's filled me with cum thrice, today... without blushing? Or without activating Sean's most sarcastic, most forward, most unbearable mood?