DIRT: the grunge diaries (𝒱𝒾𝒸𝓉𝑜𝓇𝒾𝒶'𝓈 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃)

entry #149 - blood and roses

the morning after
october 13, 1992
Denver, Colorado
فيزا

~

'Cherry, wake up'. I can hear Sean's voice speaking right from beside me, I can feel his arm tugging me, gently so, actually too gently to be the man himself ... but no matter his effort to awaken me, I'm fast asleep, and totally cathartic. I'm so damn tired, I'd sleep the day away if it was an option, I have no clue about what time it actually is ... but my sleep drunkenness tells me that it's no later than 8:30AM, so I can carry on sleeping until I'll less feel devastated. Reason why I just bury my head under the duvet, throw my arm around Sean, pull him closer to me, and keep my eyes shut all the while. Snoring a little, and making sleep drunk sounds as I purr my head against his chest. He rubs my cheeks through it, keeps his arms well gritted around me, and the moment I purr against his chest once more, and realise he's clad and all cologned up, while I'm buck naked and sleepy... I just whine, and snuggle closer to him in a state of half sleep coma. But I also giggle, because this morning is giving yesterday morning energy, only with roles reversed. Yesterday, it was Sean sleeping like a baby, and being able to carry on sleeping through my singing and the sound of my hair dyer. This morning, it's me. He's trying to wake me up by either tugging my arm or pinching my cheek... but I'm sorry, I ain't having any of it. I think I'll wait for the alarm to ring, before finally deigning myself to kick off the day. I'm sooo so tired... exhausted even... I feel like I've slept five minutes in all of the night... and eeeek. I need more sleepy sleep, and I'll get some more sleepy sleep !

'Come on baby... it's twelve thirty'. He adds, and the moment he smooches my lips and tells me what time it is, I literally bounce back first on the bed, and assume a very weird sitting position on the mattress. I widen my eyes, and catch Sean smiling at me, our son perching over his shoulder, and beaking the fabric of his horrible, homeless-fashion, light blue sweater. My boys are in bed with me, they're both sooo so so sweet and so beautiful, and just the sight of them would make for an amazing fucking morning... except that it's twelve thirty, and I'm feeling terribly sorry for having slept this late.

'Oh fuck! Fuck!' I squeal, as I take a look at the bedside table, and I realise that Sean wasn't clowning me, when he said it's twelve thirty. It's twelve thirty for real, I'm freaking out, and he's trying to calm down my hysteria, hugging me and laughing a bit while our lips are meeting for the first time today. I'd set the alarm at 9:00, last night, before tucking in bed, having a round of snuggles with babe, and eventually falling asleep on him. Turns out I've slept on the fucking alarm, and I've slept three hours and a half more than I'd originally planned to. I understand that, I'm living the nomadic life, I'm lacking sleep everyday, I'm putting my mind and my body through a lot, and I had one hell of a tiring night yesterday, in what of Bessie's room. My body deserved a rest, it finally got what it deserved so much, but I'm still feeling like crap, not reinvigorated by the sleep one bit. And y'know why? First, because Sean's gotten out of bed and ready for the day without me, and that's the reason why his hair looks fuzzy, and he's dressed as a homeless. Second, because I had plans to study a bit, this morning, as I haven't opened a textbook in two days straight, and for that I'm feeling terribly guilty. Third and last, but not least, I have a photoshoot, the first photoshoot of my life, in three hours from now, and I don't want to attend it looking like a sleep drunk, messy zombie who fucked a little too much last night. As a matter of fact, I don't even know how I should get ready for the day of work ahead of me. Like, what should I wear? Does it even matter, given that they will remove my clothes and wrap me up in a beautiful Paco Rabanne piece? Katy told me not to do my makeup, but should I do my hair? Or will the beauty staff take care of it, too? Plus, I'm hungry and my stomach is growling out loud... but am I supposed to eat? Would eating be a good idea, considering that my tummy will be partly exposed, in the dress that I'll get to pose into? Should I just smoke, suppress my hunger and do some mandatory, morning crunches to start the day? No... I can't do that. There's my boyfriend in bed with me, and I don't want to give him the clue that my 'body issue' is much more serious than he thinks it is.