Delicate

Chapter 43

HARRY STYLES

Under my sunglasses, I focus on the ground and adjust my duffle bag over my shoulder as I follow a couple of security guards to the Heathrow Airport exit. I keep my mouth glued shut in response to the paparazzi's questions asking me about Haven and wishing me a happy holiday, but I'm trying to at least offer tight smiles and waves when I hear a fan's voice in the mix, shouting that they love me.

"Back up and give him space," one of the men put his arm out to let me walk outside to the cars on the sidewalk. I have an SUV waiting there with the trunk popped open for my luggage, ready to take me home.

Even hidden behind the tinted black windows with the doors all shut, I keep my sunglasses on as I dig my phone out and thank the driver for coming to collect me. He nods in return and confirms my home address with me, which Jeff sent him as he arranged the pick-up from LA. And now that we're on the road and away from the cameras, I feel safe enough to pull my phone out to see my missed notifications.

Jeff: Let me know when you've landed and you're safe in the car, please.

Mum: So excited to see you! Be safe x

Tom Hull: Hey let me know when you touch down and I'll meet you at your house if you still want to write for a bit

I text them each back in the order I read their messages, offering my friend Tom my ETA so he can hopefully beat me to my house. The less time I have to spend alone, the better. It's been like that for a few weeks now, which is why I've been spending more of my time at Jeff and Glenne's rather than staying in my house leading up to the holidays. Being in the studio helped a lot as well. God knows I've had plenty of inspiration since Haven decided she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.

Maybe I should have known that having sex with her wouldn't change anything, but at the same time, I can't get over how angry I am that she let it happen while knowing that her answer wasn't going to change. The way I see it, she let me get my hopes up the second she kissed me back, and that wasn't fair. Despite how much I missed it and wanted it, I would have rather she rejected me so that it didn't have to hurt so much when she kicked me out again.

And maybe I'm in denial, but it still doesn't quite feel over between us. I think that's because I distinctly remember her saying that she couldn't talk about it "right now" and she needed time. She could have just said that to get me to leave, but I don't know. She didn't seem completely positive about sending me away; it seemed more like she was doing what she thought she should, not what she actually wanted to.

"Right here okay?" The driver stops outside of my gated home.

"Yeah, this is fine," I step out, as does he so he can retrieve my luggage for me. "Thank you."

He tips his hat to me. "Have a nice afternoon."

"You as well," I drag my luggage up to the gate on the sidewalk so I can enter the code and let myself in. Tom's not here yet, but he just texted me to let me know he'll be pulling up in the next few minutes so I can open the gate for him.

My house is freshly cleaned after Jeff called the maid service prior to my arrival, and I check the refrigerator to see that he had my assistant bring food so I don't have to go to the store myself. It's not much, seeing as I'll only be here for a couple of days to get some writing done before I head to Kent for Christmas over the weekend.

As I drag my suitcase up to my room and start unpacking, I'm only further reminded that Haven is supposed to be with me. I was planning on asking her if she wanted to spend Christmas in London with me after she enjoyed being at my mum's so much, or I was planning on staying in LA with her if she asked me to do that instead. This was supposed to be the first holiday that we spent physically together, not through a series of phone calls and text messages.