Delicate

Chapter 90

Big time lapse in this one! Harry came home for Christmas and New Year's, but he's back on the road and Haven and the kids are still in Los Angeles! Also, we're pretending like the Grammys are in March for the next chapter! <3

HAVEN MCQUEEN
February 2023

I lean into the mirror to check my makeup for any signs of tears before practicing a small smile, shrugging indifferently as I raise my phone up to start recording myself. "Okay, so since you can't be here for the kids' first day of preschool, I thought I would record the process for you, so...let's go see if they're actually getting dressed with my mom like I asked them to."

Relaxing my arm a bit, I carry the phone down the hall into the twins' room to find them in their little outfits. Even though it's February, Lily insisted on wearing her Halloween outfit, which consists of a black long-sleeve shirt with a pumpkin on the front and orange leggings. Jack is wearing jeans and a custom long-sleeve Treat People With Kindness shirt, looking awfully a lot like his Daddy with his stubborn curls and waves.

"Can you guys say hi to Daddy?" I turn the camera around to show them their own reflection.

"Hi, Daddy," they repeat after me but I can tell they're confused as they wait for a response. Usually, he's on FaceTime, but it's 3 a.m. in Australia at the moment so he's asleep.

"Hi, Harry!" My mom chimes in with a wave, tidying up the twins' beds.

"Well, now we're going to go downstairs and have some quick breakfast before we go where?"

"Preschool!" Lily and Jack answer for me.

I offer a knowing smile at the screen and keep filming on our way down to the kitchen, as well as all through breakfast and the process of getting into the car. It seems like a lot, but Harry appreciates these little vlogs and it's the least I can do. Besides, it'll be nice for both of us to look back on it later when it's the twins' first day of high school or college.

"So what are you guys most excited for?" I ask as my mom holds the phone so I can drive.

"To play," Jack answers, and Lily agrees as my mom goes on to tell them all kinds of fun things that happen at preschool, which only makes me feel better about my decision to stay here in Los Angeles.

When Christmas came and went and I told Harry I wanted to stay even after the holidays, he was completely supportive. The only pain is that a lot of our clothes and the kids' toys are still back in London because I haven't found a convenient time to go and pack more things to bring home. I also feel a bit guilty after they asked me when we're going "home". I'm not sure when they began recognizing London as home, but it makes me wonder what I even consider as home anymore. We haven't been stable in one place long enough for me to feel that way about California or London now.

The only issue about California is the paparazzi, which is something I was always aware of, but I've come to terms with the fact that we'll never be truly free from the cameras apart from in our Italian home since it's on its own private lot. As far as the stalkers go, I'm not too worried about it from inside our gated house. At the end of the day, my family and friends are here and that's what I need when Harry's gone. I can't be alone in a country that isn't mine anymore and Harry understood that.

Before the video could get too long, we stopped recording for the second half of the car ride and only resume it now that we're in the school parking lot. Ironically enough, it's the same preschool my parents enrolled me in, which is how I know it's the best. My dad wouldn't have settled for anything less and he wouldn't care what it costs, just like Harry.

"Okay, hold my hands," I extend them down to Jack and Lily so we can cross the parking lot together and I'm trying not to be offended by how excited they seem to be starting their first day of school. They're supposed to cry and cling to me, not lead the way up to the front gate.