Chasing Nikki

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

    

    The cemetery was quiet this early in the morning. I placed the fresh roses on her grave next to the dozen other wilting plants left here just two days ago. I stood very still staring at her name on the marker at the head of her plot, having a hard time believing she was here in this permanent resting place.

    "So, I got your letter," I said. "Your mom found it and gave it to me." I struggled to speak, my voice catching with emotion. "I want you to know I really love you too—so much more than I could ever possibly show you.

    "I guess I'm going to try to give you the only thing I have left, and that's my life. I've decided I'm not going to try to join you. After I read what you had to say, I feel like it would be letting you down if I tried to follow. I don't want you to think the things you tried to show me were in vain.

    "I know you'd tell me I should be doing this for myself and not for you, but this is going to have to be good enough for a while because it's all I've got right now. 

    "On that note, I want you to know I've made a firm commitment to stay off the drugs and stuff. I was afraid to let them go before, and honestly I still am, but I'm going to sign up for Maggie's group session and learn the proper tools to help myself."

    I swallowed at the knot in my throat, wondering for the millionth time why living had to be so hard.

    "I'll do my best to make you proud, wherever you are. You're a piece of my soul too, and I will never forget you as long as I live. Thank you, for everything. I love you."

    I stayed there for several long moments, having a hard time getting my feet to move from the spot. I finally forced myself to turn and walk away.

    "Goodbye, Nikki," I whispered. 

    I hurried to my truck and drove away, fighting the urge to look back, my hands shaking against the steering wheel. I pulled into the lot at the school and parked, leaning my head against my arms. This was too hard.

    Stop looking at the past, her voice echoed in my mind. Look to the future.

    Sighing, I reached into my pocket and took out my cell phone, dialing a number.

    "Hello?" Coach Hardin's voice came.

    "Coach. This is Chase. I'm sorry I missed all the practices and the game last week. Is it still okay if I keep playing?"

    "Of course it is. You never lost your spot. We've been holding it for you until you felt you could come again. Your mom and Grandpa both talked to me about it."

    "They did?" I asked, surprised because no one had said anything to me.

    "Yes. They've been worried about you. We all knew you needed some time to get over the initial shock of things."

    "Thanks, Coach." I felt overwhelmed. "I'll see you at practice this afternoon then."

    "Sounds good to me," he replied. "Glad to have you back, Chase."

    I hung up and put the phone away, releasing a deep breath.

    I got out and headed toward the school, staring at my feet as I walked alone, not really wanting to make eye contact with anyone.

    "Hey, bro," Brett's voice said, and I looked up to find him standing with Brittney, Tana, Chad, and Wes. "We've all been waiting for you."

    I couldn't speak as I saw my friends here, ready to support me even though they were dealing with their own grief too. I was going to get through this—we were going to get through this—together.