Love You Goodbye II H.S

25

I feel arms wrap around my waist. I smile.

"Hi," I say.

"Hi,"

I turn around and laugh. There's Maddie's messy hair from sleeping, resting her head on my chest. "Why aren't you in bed?" She asks tiredly.

She's so cute. "I just needed water," I responded.

"Come back, I miss you," She says, tucking a piece of her long blonde hair behind her ear. "The bed isn't the same without you,"

I can feel her smiling, "Okay come on, let's go," I take her hand, leading her back to bed.

I wake up in a cold sweat. I look around, I'm alone in the darkness. Tears streaming down my cheeks. It's been two months since she died. Two months since my heart was ripped out of my chest. I look at my empty bed, "The bed isn't the same without you," I whisper into the darkness.

Today is her birthday, it hurts 1000 times worse than any other day since she's been gone. I got a notification from the Times newspaper, it was another article, this time about her being on the Zane Lowe interview.

I decided to scan It since it might be the last article about her, the second I read the second piece of text I was heartbroken. She had kept a major secret that I needed to know more about so I grabbed my laptop and watched the interview.

By the end I was shaking, in tears, she had gone through so much shit that I didn't even care to ask about and now she was gone and I could never ask her again. I saw a bit of light come in through my door, Gemma came in quietly, "Come on H, Maddie wouldn't want you in bed all day,"

My last strand snapped, I had all this emotion built up that I didn't know what to do with, "You don't get to fucking say what Maddie would want me to do because she's gone and there is nothing I can do about it," I yelled.

She was taken back by my burst of emotion, "I'm Sorry H, I didn't mean it like that,"

"Just fuck off Gemma,"

She quickly left the tension-filled room, leaving me alone once more. Anne came in a couple of minutes later, I couldn't stay mad at her though, "What is going on H,"

She came and sat by me on my bed, "I just fucked up,"

"How,"

"I saw an article about Maddie and then watched the interview that the article was about, She went through a lot of shit that I didn't care to ask about and now she's gone and it's all my fault,"

I broke down, right then and there, "Harry if she never told you then she might have never wanted you to find out, You don't have to beat yourself up about something that was out of your control,"

She was right, none of us knew about the rape, self-harm, or anorexia properly until now. "I know that she might not have wanted me to know but I just wondered if I knew about all of it then, that night that she killed herself didn't happen because of me,"

"It's not your fault, it was never. Maddie could have done that without that fight,"

"I'm just letting you know that I have talked to Alexa, Maddie's mum and she wants you to come to Manchester to talk and stuff like that. It'll be good to get you out of the house as well,"

I nodded and she started to head out the door, "Can you tell Gem I'm sorry for before,"

'I think you're the one to that," Anne replied.

I quickly got dressed and started to head out to my car when Gemma stopped me, "Look Harry, you might be mad at me but I'm so sorry about what I said before, I didn't know how you were going to act and that you were so upset to begin with,"