White Olive Tree

Chapter 65

Chapter 65
Liangcheng in August is the hottest season of the year.  The sun was overwhelming, and it was so bright that it dazzled people's eyes.
Song Ran parked the car in the open space in front of the Tongzi Building in the Cadres' Family Courtyard. When she got out of the car, a wave of heat hit her face. She broke out in a thin sweat and took out a few large shopping bags from the trunk and went up to the second floor. 
When she opened the door and went in, the house was quiet and the curtains on the balcony were half drawn.  The living room is half bright and half shady.
Song Ran changed into slippers and walked in quietly. The door of the master bedroom was closed.  Three hours have passed and there is still no movement inside.
She put the fruits, vegetables, fish and meat in the refrigerator, and the oil, salt, sauce and vinegar in the kitchen.  Pack up expired items and throw them into the trash can downstairs.
When she came back, the military doctor came out of the bedroom.  Song Ran went up to him and glanced through the crack of the closed door. Li Zan was lying on the bed with his eyes closed.
The military doctor made a gesture to her, and the two went to the guest room.
Song Ran gently closed the door to the guest room and turned around: "Doctor Lin, how is he doing?"
"It's very pessimistic." The military doctor who had been responsible for Li Zan's psychological problems sighed and said, "I suggest sending him to a mental hospital."
Song Ran felt a chill in her heart. She stayed there for a while, then turned on the air conditioner with the remote control. She stood holding the remote control for a while before asking, "Is it so serious?"
"It's very serious. I have come into contact with countless cases of soldiers suffering from PTSD, and he is the most serious type. In the future, he will either kill someone or commit suicide."
After he finished speaking, he added: "But there are very few murderers, most of them commit suicide."
The wind from the air conditioner was blowing, and the hairs on Song Ran's bare arms stood up: "But... I brought him back from Dongguo. He was very good all the way and didn't do anything out of the ordinary."
The military doctor asked: "Really?"
Song Ran remained silent.
All the way back, she was always by his side.  At the airport, she got permission from the Dongguo government but went through security check.  On the plane back, there were no other guests in the first class cabin.
"That's because you can comfort him, and because he has not encountered a source of stimulation. But once he encounters a source of stimulation, the world in front of him will immediately turn into a battlefield. In his eyes, buildings are burning ruins, cars are tanks, and noise It was a gunshot, the stranger was an enemy soldier, maybe a long umbrella was a rifle. How would he react in that situation? I think you can guess, maybe you have seen it."
"I have seen too many soldiers like this. The war is over, but they can't come back," he said, "because war never only takes away the lives of the dead, but also absorbs the souls of the survivors. "
Song Ran moved her lips: "Send him to a mental hospital...can he be cured?"
The military doctor was silent for a moment and only said: "Send him to a mental hospital and use drugs and control to suppress his spirit and reduce his thinking activity. Maybe he will not behave in extreme ways."
Song Ran was stunned: "So it can't be cured? Will he be locked up in a mental hospital...for the rest of his life?"
The military doctor did not answer directly: "When I was studying in the United States in my early years, I saw many soldiers who came back from the battlefield. All of them had mental problems, big or small. But the severity was different. And those with Li Zan's level It is basically impossible for people to return to a normal life. You have to be mentally prepared."

Song Ran held on to the wall and said nothing.
"There is a word on the battlefield called survivor. Survivor seems to mean very lucky. It can be seen that there are many cases, and I find that this word is a curse. Those who sacrificed are all heroes. Once and for all, it is difficult to survive. Gradually, as time passes, As time goes by, no one cares. Many years ago, I returned to the United States to visit a prisoner of war who escaped from the Nazis. He was a veteran of World War II. He was tortured and scarred both physically and mentally. He was in a mental hospital. After a lifetime, my memory before my death was still about the World War II period. The day I died was Christmas, the streets were very lively, there was laughter and laughter everywhere, and it snowed beautifully."
Song Ran listened to him for a long time, shook his head and said, "A-Zan will not live his life alone, I will always be by his side."
The military doctor said: "Song Ran, he can no longer distinguish between reality and illusion. His heart has never been able to go home, and he is still wandering on the battlefield of the Eastern Kingdom. Sometimes in his heart, you in the real world are even his illusion. .”
Song Ran's eyes were red, she raised her head, smiled and said, "Because of this, I can't leave him alone."
The military doctor said nothing.
Obviously, the girl in front of her still doesn’t understand the seriousness of the situation. Many family members are reluctant to send the patient to a mental hospital at first, but day after day care and an invisible future will wear away their patience little by little.
He said: "No matter what, I will come to visit regularly and hope to help you."
"Thank you." Song Ran said, "Sorry to trouble you, Doctor Lin."
The military doctor left.
Song Ran closed the door and stood quietly in the porch for a while. Looking back, she saw the half-closed curtains leaving a darkness in the living room.  She stepped forward and opened the curtains, letting the sunlight fill the living room.
She walked quietly back to the bedroom.
Li Zan hasn't woken up yet.
The curtains were drawn and the light was dim. He frowned in his sleep, looking a little troubled.  He put his hands into fists on his abdomen, holding on to the air-conditioning quilt tightly.
Song Ran picked up the air conditioner remote control and turned it down one degree.  There was a "beep" sound, and Li Zan opened his eyes instantly, with a wary expression. He was about to jump out of bed, but when he saw Song Ran, he was startled again.
His slightly raised head slowly fell back into the pillow, and the rise and fall of his chest slowed down.
He looked at her quietly for a long while and then said hoarsely: "It seems like I was having a nightmare."
Song Ran smiled at him.
How she wished that he had just had a nightmare in the past half year.
"I wanted to sleep with you, but I was afraid it would be too hot, so I turned down the temperature." She climbed onto the bed, lifted the thin quilt and hugged him.
He asked: "Where is my father?"
"He's back to Jiangcheng. He said he'd see you again next week."
   "oh."
The moment he woke up, a thin layer of sweat broke out on his lips.
Song Ran stroked his sweaty lips: "A-Zan, what did you dream about?"
He was quiet for a long time and said, "Many people died."
A lot of strangers, and Benjamin, and...
"And you."
"But I'm not dead. Look, the wound on my neck has healed a long time ago. It's not deep at all." She held his hand and stroked her neck.
His hands resisted, but she pressed his hands on her neck forcefully.
His breathing was rapid, his heartbeat was beating violently, his fingers touched her scar, and his fingertips felt the strength of the blood pulse on her neck.
"The injury has healed, Ah Zan, it has been healed for a long time. It doesn't hurt at all."
Li Zan stared at the scar for a long time, his eyes slowly moved up, and his fingers moved up, touching her face, and pinched it gently.
Song Ran suddenly understood and said: "You are not dreaming now, I am real."
She reached out and turned off the air conditioner. The sound of the wind stopped and the room became quiet.
On a hot summer afternoon, there was a hint of heat in the room.
She turned over and lay beside him, staring down at him.  She touched his neck with hot palms, trying to make him feel the warmth of her body clearly.
She grabbed his hand and put it on her chest.  Her heart was still beating brightly, gently hitting his palm.
Song Ran lowered his head and kissed his lips.
His eyelashes trembled, a little jerky, but gradually, her familiar breath soothed him.
It was not a deep kiss, it was very shallow, just the lips touching and caressing gently.  The tip of his nose was gently rubbed, and his breath was intertwined.
The sun shines through the gaps in the curtains. Under the thin quilt, the temperature slowly rises, and sweat gradually begins to form on the lips.  She didn't stop and kissed him softly for a long time, with full attachment and care.  He should be able to feel her beating heart and her warm kiss.
He felt it, so he put his arms around her waist; his lips gave her a response.
……
They slept in each other's arms and didn't wake up until the sun went down.
Song Ran got out of bed and opened the curtains, and the warm sunset shone in, glowing orange.  The air conditioner is blowing in the house, alternating between cool and warm.
Li Zan woke up, rubbed his eyes and sat up, shaking a bit.
Song Ran immediately went back to him and held his hand: "Are you dizzy?"
"It's okay." He looked stunned, as if he hadn't woken up yet.
"Drink some water first." Song Ran handed him the cold water on the bedside.
He slowly drank most of the glass.
"I'm going to cook for you. I bought a lot of delicious vegetables today, as well as yellow-bone fish. The grandfather selling vegetables said they were caught from the river, and they are wild."
   "Good."
Song Ran went to the kitchen, put on an apron, washed her hands and made soup.
Li Zan got out of bed and slowly walked out of the bedroom while holding on to the wall.
The air conditioner in the living room has just been turned on, and the air is hot.
He held on to the door frame, stood on the boundary between the air conditioning and the scorching heat, and looked around.  This seemed to be a home he was familiar with. The balcony was covered with the setting sun. All his clothes were washed and hung to dry on the windowsill, swaying in the breeze.
He heard the sound of pots and pans in the kitchen, saw Song Ran busy inside, and the smell of steaming rice wafted over.
It’s the taste of home.
This scene had been his dream countless times.
Not quite true.
Li Zan slowly walked into the kitchen with unsteady footsteps.
Song Ran turned around when he heard the voice: "Why are you here? I'll bring you a chair."
She turned around and came out to move a chair for him.
Li Zan's eyes were locked on her, and he chased her without moving.  Suddenly, he saw a tree standing on the balcony.  A white olive tree, in the sunset, its white branches and leaves are covered with golden light.
His chest rose and fell suddenly, and when he looked closely, the tree disappeared again.
Song Ran brought a chair over and helped him sit down.  She grinned and leaned into his ear: "Do you want to watch me cook?"
"Yeah." Li Zan responded vaguely, and hurriedly grabbed her fingers like a child. They were warm, moist, and stained with grease and water drops.
It's not a dream.  Dreams can't be this real.
"My hands are so dirty." She quickly pulled her hands away, bent down again, and pressed her cheek against his, "but my face is very clean."
Her cheeks were extremely soft, and her skin had her unique fragrance. He was very familiar with it and remembered it clearly.  When she stood up, Li Zan tilted his head slightly and brushed his lips across her cheek.
She pursed her lips and smiled, with a slight blush on her cheeks, and turned around to fry the wormwood.
Li Zan sat in the chair and looked at her with stubborn eyes for a long time; he tentatively lowered his eyes and glanced at the floor of the living room.
The light came in and cast a long shadow on the floor, the shadow of the olive tree.
He immediately looked at the kitchen again. There was nothing in front of the stove, just like his suddenly empty heart.  But in a second, Song Ran emerged from the corner. He breathed hastily and looked at the floor again. The tree shadow disappeared again.
"Ranran."
"Huh?" She turned back.
"It's hot." He said, "Close the balcony curtains."
"Okay." Song Ran quickly ran out to close the curtains and turned down the air conditioner.
The food was about to come out of the pot, and she came back to put it on the plate.
Li Zan stared at her without blinking. Her face was flushed and there was a thin trickle of sweat on the tip of her nose.
And outside the window, the scenery has been completely blocked.
The two of them had dinner and she cooked three dishes.
Li Zan was too thin, so Song Ran served him fish soup: "Try it first to see if it has the original taste."
He took a sip. The fish soup was fragrant and he nodded: "It tastes good."
She smiled and gave a bunch of vegetables to him: "I know you have a bad appetite, but you must eat all these portions. Otherwise I will be angry, unless you think I am angry, it doesn't matter."
He curved the corners of his lips very calmly and said, "It doesn't matter." He bowed his head obediently and started eating.
Song Ran was stunned for a moment, and saw his faint smile again.
"A-Zan?"
   "Um?"
"Are you happy that you came home with me?"
Li Zan nodded and inadvertently looked back at the closed curtains. The setting sun shone in through the gaps.
"Ranran."
   "Um?"
He suddenly asked a strange and private question: "When did you...like me?"
"Don't you know?" She glanced at him.
His heart tightened slightly: "...I don't know."
"When you rescued me in Su Rui City. I looked for you for a long time after returning to China, and then I pulled off your mask at the airport. Do you have no memory of it?"
"I remember it," he said. "I remember it all."
   "And you?"
Li Zan said: "Do you remember that time you went to eat hot pot with your colleagues and Shen Bei?"
Of course she remembers. 
"When we left that day, you smiled at me, but when you turned around, did you cry?"
Song Ran was stunned.
She was about to cry at that time.  She didn't expect that he would notice that moment.
As for Li Zan, he actually couldn’t explain clearly.
At that time, he didn’t know why, but his heart moved and felt a little stinging.
After that time passed, he no longer felt it.
But when he thought about it later, that scene was inexplicably and deeply engraved in his heart.
After eating, Song Ran packed up the dishes and returned to the kitchen. Li Zan followed her, never leaving.
"You're blocking my work." She was amused.
He then moved aside.
She chuckled, took the rag and went to the dinning room to wipe the table.
Li Zan stood by the sink and wanted to help her wash the dishes, when he saw the kitchen knife on the edge of the sink.
He looked at it for a few seconds and then picked up the knife.
The blade is sharp and glows with white light.
A voice rang in his ears: "Song is dead!"
He turned pale at the sound of gunshots, necks, and piles of corpses.
Knife, child, laughter, Benjamin’s face was covered in blood.
Killing, death, heads, piles of flesh and bones.
His mind wandered, and he didn't know where he was at the moment.
In a dream?
It hurts...
His limbs are broken, his heart is in piercing pain...
The knife in front of him was suddenly pulled away by Song Ran.
He came to his senses.
She turned pale and quickly took the knife and the cutting board farthest from him.
There was dead silence in the kitchen, except for the sound of the air conditioner in the living room.
She lowered her head and stood holding on to the counter for a moment, then suddenly rushed up and hugged his waist, causing him to stagger as she hit him.
"A-Zan, don't touch such things in the future, okay? Don't touch scissors, razors, and knives, okay?"
He held her warm and trembling body.
"I know you are in pain, and I don't want to say things like 'it will get better in the future.' It doesn't matter whether it's good or bad. Even if it doesn't get better, it's okay, right? Just... don't touch those things, just keep walking slowly like this, okay?"
He nodded: "Okay."
Li Zan was still very weak, so Song Ran helped him take a bath and helped him go to bed early to rest.
At around seven o'clock, Chen Feng and the doctors from the army came.  They were all people Li Zan was familiar with, and he didn't show much emotional ups and downs.
The doctor did not discuss any of his condition in front of him. He examined him step by step, changed the medicine and gauze on his legs, and gave him a nutritional injection to strengthen his heart.
Chen Feng looked at him lying in bed, his face full of pain.
Li Zan suddenly said: "I'm sorry."
Chen Feng was stunned for a moment, his eyes turned red, and he said, "What are you talking about!"
Li Zan said: "Your cultivation is in vain."
Chen Feng said anxiously: "It's hard for anyone in an accident. You've performed very well. We secretly sent out 13 special forces, but only 9 came back. Ah Zan, it would be great if you could come back. It would be great if you came back."
Li Zan didn't speak. He seemed a little tired and closed his eyes.
After the doctor finished processing, he left the bedroom and said to Song Ran:
"His health is too poor. After a few days, if his condition has calmed down a bit, take him to the military hospital for a full-body examination. After getting comprehensive data, we will decide how to treat him based on the actual situation. I guess... it will be a protracted battle."
Song Ran said: "Okay. I will take him there."
She walked them to the door: "Instructor, I'm afraid that Ah Zan will need me, so I won't send you downstairs."
"It's okay, just stay here." Chen Feng said, stopping in the corridor and watching the doctors go downstairs, then he took out a few documents and cards and handed them to Song Ran, "A-Zan's allowance card is in his own pocket." There, the salary has always been paid according to the captain level. This card is for disability allowance, which is also paid on a monthly basis. As for his illness, the medical expenses are all borne by the army. These are the relevant contacts and information. If you have any questions, please ask in time. .”
Song Ran took it and said, "Thank you."
Chen Feng looked embarrassed, hesitated for a moment, and finally said: "Although his position cannot be promoted now, there is still hope that he can continue to serve when he recovers one day..."
"Instructor," Song Ran interrupted him, "Let's talk about the future later."
"Okay." Chen Feng nodded with difficulty and said, "Even in the future...no matter what, his various subsidies will increase year by year. Ah Zan..."
"Instructor, I will not leave Ah Zan. He is not a burden either."
Chen Feng said: "I'm sorry for you."
Song Ran said: "It's not bitter. I just think it's unfair to him."
Chen Feng was speechless.
"But it doesn't matter. I'm already grateful that he's alive."