Rolling fake dice

s i e r r a l y n n

                                                         Band-aids don't fix bullet holes

You say sorry just for show

If you live like that you live with ghosts

If you love like that blood runs cold

Bad blood (Taylor's version) - Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar

For the first day of her arrival, I have managed to avoid my mother successfully, hiding in my room or just getting away from any room she enters, sneaking my dinner into my bed and making sure to leave for school early in the morning. A blessing that fell straight from heaven.

This evening, however, as I came back home, I didn't expect her to be there. I don't even know why papa let her stay with us, to be honest, was it his lingering feelings toward her? Or the fact that he wants me to fix things with her? I have no damn idea. She lounges on the couch, River is cuddled up against her chest, speaking about her day and whatever comes into her mind. I try not to catch their attention and sneak back to my bedroom, but Riv sees me, to my greatest despair. "Sia's home..." She squeals, and my attempt to pass unnoticed goes in vain.

My mother's eyes snap toward me, brown just like mine, and I can see the battles raging behind them, and what I feared the most happened, I could feel that overwhelming desire to just hide in her embrace from the entire world.

I don't...

I don't even answer her quiet 'Good evening, Sia.' I just try to walk away, but River is faster, asking me, her bright green eyes gleaming with the newfound happiness she found after our mother's "Come watch with us, Sia."

"I'm tired, Riv, and I have loads of homework, so no,thank you." Reply flatly, a tone I rarely ever used on my little sister. She stares at me like I turned into some kind of a living dead, "But you love Harry Potter movies, it's 'Prisoner of Azkaban', your favorite." She insists "You haven't watched anything with me in ages..."

"River, I watched a soccer game with you less than forty eight hours ago." I sigh, frustrated, trying to keep my temper at bay. "But mama wasn't here..." River pouts, already knowing that I will cave in.

'She's not my mother anymore...' Hangs from the tip of my tongue, but I swallow it back.

Serafina looks between us before softly scolding Riv "Rivy, your sister must've had a rough day, Tesoro, let her rest a little." I am almost grateful for her, but no, I won't be another disappointment to River. I rub my temples before admitting defeat "Give me a minute to get changed..."

The movie is still a blur in my mind, since I was too much aware of Serafina's glances at my direction, and River's between our mother and I. Papa hasn't come home yet, probably still mad at the words I said yesterday, I take a mental note to apologize to him later. As the time reaches half past four, I receive a message on my Instagram DM's, Emrys's name assaults my sight once again.

I keep myself from groaning at the sight.

rys-lennox : You still didn't talk about the lit project.

rys-lennox : I don't need this messed up, Sweetheart.

I roll my eyes at his text

Sialynn-Ry : Don't you have anything better to do this evening than annoy me ?

rys-lennox : Killing innocent maidens and kicking puppies.

The picture his words represent almost sends me laughing out loud, a small smile tug at my lips.

sialynn-Ry : That is ironically funny.

rys-lennox : It wasn't a joke, Seren.

Damn you, Hades...

Without my notice, River slips away from the place, leaving me a prey to Serafina's stalking gaze.

rys-lennox : Tomorrow, 'Le Paradis d'Alain' a three pm sharp. Lit project. Will send you the location.

As soon as I lift my gaze from the screen of my phone, I find out that we're alone.

I know why she's doing this, because she's clearly pushing me into having an interaction with Serafina. We stay as silent as in a funeral, she shoots glances at me, her hands still on the couches velvety fabric, Serafina finally clears her throat, trying to break the ice "You've gotten taller."

"It's called growth." I answer, my tone flat and indifferent, her lips twist in a sad smile, and she keeps her eyes on the TV "You even learned to use one sentence answers."

I almost wince with embarrassment but still keep up the bored expression "That is called bitterness." over her, over our broken family, over me. A feeling hidden deep inside that I almost forgot about it, but it's there, burning ardently with every second I spent with her. "Why are you back, Serafina?" I ask, sick of tiptoeing around the issue.

"¿Necesito un motivo para visitar a mis hijas?" 'Do I need a reason to visit my daughters?' She answers, and the sound of her talking in Spanish makes me clench my fists. Growing up, Riv and I constantly addressed our parents with their respective mother tongues, a sign of acceptance to both sides of our heritage, papa used to say.

"Las dos sabemos que no estoy hablando de eso." 'We both know I'm not talking about that.' I reply, my jaw is now clenched tightly "Why are you in Scarsdale? After three years, what do you want from us?" I snap.

"Someday you'll understand, Sierra, that even the devil is a fallen angel." She closes the conversation, and my mind can't stop buzzing at her words.

Serafina Santos... A fallen angel...

The idea is laughable, an angel wouldn't sink the ship of a family, an angel wouldn't destroy it with her own hands.

"You might have been able to play papa and Riv, but you'll never convince me, Serafina." I spit out, standing up and walking away to my room.

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October 6th;

A shot in the heart doesn't make it unbreak, mama...

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