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   I've made some real big mistakes

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   I've made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should've known it was strange

You only come out at night

Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo



Estrellita que al brillar

Me pregunto cómo estás

Mamà's voice soothed both me and Rivy to sleep, one of the very rare occasions that I haven't seen her with red-rimmed eyes and sharp-tongued wit. I lay my head on her lap, her fingers ran through my long hair.

Arriba en la inmensidad

Un diamante celestial

Rivy clang into her like she's our salvation, like the world doesn't exist beyond mamà's embrace, like she is the secret of life and the depths of existence. I understood it, she was just a little toddler after all, my two years old baby sister, she still thought the world is all pretty and shiny, that we will always be this happy, that mamà will always tuck us back into bed every night.

I didn't believe that...

I loved mamà very much, but I didn't think she'd always stay, I thought she was only staying for papa, because they are in love, I thought she was only staying for Rivy, but not for me. Mamà would never stay for me. Not because she doesn't love me, but she doesn't like me, she likes Rivy, she likes her laughs and her nonsense blabber and her never ending trouble. She doesn't like it when I talk about the fairy tales from the books Papa bought me nearly every week, or that I like to sing when the house is too silent, or when I'd cling to her out of the blue from time to time. I think papa likes me, enough to call her out on ignoring me whenever I get a bad grade, enough to try and break the ice whenever the two of us are getting on each other's nerves.

Estrellita que al brillar

Me pregunto cómo estás

"Mamà ?" I asked, trying to keep the shiver in my voice hidden, my mother hummed in acknowledgment but didn't say anything "Mamà, it's too late, why isn't papa home yet?" I whisper, worrying clawing at my guts. Papa has never been one to get out of home without us unless it's for work, he liked staying home, spending time with us, messing around with me, playing with Rivy, dancing with mamà around the kitchen. I take a glance at her, her lips are pressed in a thin line, and I can feel the hesitation radiating away from her.

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