Rolling fake dice

s i e r r a l y n n

 I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

I don't know how to feel

But someday, I might

What was I made for ? - Billie Eilish

"She what ?!" Ray chokes on her bakestone, I wince at the fact that I just poured my heart out to her and quickly pass her a glass of water.

We are sitting in her bedroom, the soft pale lavender color of the walls still soothing just like the first time I saw it. Ray's room is just like her, gorgeously messy. A picture frame of her with her three older siblings sits on her bedside table, another one of her with her parents hangs on the wall, while another one with me and Emrys rest on her desk, where diverse sketches are spattered and a bookshelf full of her manga collection occupies a wall.

Once Ray regains her breath, she frowns and sits properly, her blue eyes staring directly into my brown ones "You're telling me that your mother came to your place yesterday, and she's staying for God knows how long, here in Scarsdale?"

I grimace and nod, despite my best efforts, I have always found it awkward to talk about my family. "Papa couldn't tell her not to, as it seems, he's trying to play peace maker." I admit.

Ray sighed exasperatedly "Hold on, aren't divorced people supposed to despise each other?"

I once had the same idea, that splitting a marriage meant to resent each other for the rest of time, and yet, as I watched my father after he divorced my mother, I realized that he didn't hate her, he never hated her, he never lost the spark in his eyes whenever he talked about her with Riv, even when Serafina was an alcoholic cold mess, he loved her, cherished her, even after their ways separated.

"Not all lives are a Hollywood movie, Ray." I try to keep my voice away from breaking.

Mrs. Lennox appears at the door, her head sneaking behind the door as she smiled at the three of us "Do you need anything, girls?" For many reasons, she always has this soothing aura around her, like a soft sunshine right at sunset. Ray shares her bright blue eyes, the small mole under her left eye and her beautiful smile.

"No, thank you," I mutter under my breath. "The bakestones were great, by the way." She beams at us, before nodding and going away, closing the door behind her. Sometimes, I envied Esmeray for having such a sweet gentle mother, for growing up with a good example as a role model. I manage a smile and joke with Ray. "Are you sure there is no way for your parents to adopt me? Consider me a cat if you have to."

"More like a rabbit," Ray snorts, I lay my head against her lap, her fingers threaded in the brown locks of it. "If there was a way to make you my sister by blood, I would do it i a heartbeat, Sierra Lynn."

"Yeah..." I breathe out "I know. I don't think your brother would like it though."

"Emrys has a weird way of showing respect to people who out stand him." Esmeray shakes her head lightly "Never take his blows at heart."

"I know better than to keep up with Emrys's jabs, Ray." I try to put on a small smile, staring up at her.

"I know." She assures with a smile of her own, "Thank you for being my friend, Sierra."

My heart swells...

"Thank you for being my sister, Esmeray."

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October 5th;

Soulmates can be friends too...

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