Rolling fake dice

s i e r r a l y n n

 So look me in the eyes, Tell me what you see

Perfect paradise, Tearing at the seams

I wish I could escape, I don't wanna fake it

Wish I could erase it, Make your heart believe

Bad Liar - Imagine Dragons.

I sit in papa's office, the lump in my throat tightening as he paces in front of me, muttering unintelligible words under his breath, I should've known better than to trust River to keep her mouth shut for a few hours, since the first thing she had once papa stepped foot at home was spilling the tea to him, to my greatest misfortune.

I am not afraid of him, no, I'm afraid for him, I'm afraid for how he'd take it personally. Papa has always been an overprotective person, toward everyone he loves, and for now, he only had River and I, two pieces of a long shattered family. I clench my fists, and call "Papa."

He doesn't answer, he keeps his spiral of frustrated steps, and I can't stop the ache ravaging my heart as he ignores my call. I hate moments like those, when he'd just shut me out and pretend that there is nothing to say "Papa, please..." I plead again, my voice is strained, and my throat almost scratchy.

"A boy, Sierra?" He asks, frustrated, angry, concerned "You're dating a boy and still never deigned to tell me?" I can feel the hurt behind his words.

"It's not..." I want to tell him that Lennox and I are only working on a school project together, and he happens to be helping me find papa's family. "Lennox and I aren't dating papa, he's just Ray's brother. Hell, we're not even friends, just classmates working together in a project.

The kiss we shared earlier begs to differ, but still... A mocking voice in the back of my head says. and I stiffen at that. That kiss was a mistake for sure, despite being nice to me for the past few days, Emrys still has threatened me, twice, and I sure as hell won't be dumb enough to get trapped into his strings again. Emrys is still trouble, a big one at that, and I was dumb enough to fall into his patterns.

"Well, a boy who dared knock our front door to pick you up clearly isn't looking for 'just friendship'..." He stops his frantic pace to stare right into my eyes, the usual jade green of his eyes darkening, turning into the green of lush dangerous forests "You've been hiding stuff from me, Sierra Lynn, and I don't like it." He says, his teeth gritted "I fucking hate it."

"Well you hid Serafina's return from me, do you see me complaining?" I snap back, glaring at him. He has no right to assume that I'm hiding things from him when he is the one keeping secrets from both me and River. "I'm not hiding anything from you, I'm telling you that there is nothing between Emrys and I but a literature project. Got it?"

"This has nothing to do with your mother. So watch your tone while talking to your goddamn father, young lady." His voice is stern and authoritative "I will not tolerate this behavior change any longer. What the hell is wrong with you, kid? This isn't like you, staying locked up inside your room isn't like you, shutting me and River isn't like you."

"What's wrong with me? Are you fucking kidding me?" I blow up in anger, standing on my feet, merely inches away from him "You are the one yelling at me just because a classmate picked me up so we can work on a project together."

"I'm not yelling at you, Sierra, I'm trying to protect you, I know that you're a teenager, and that you're vowed to start dating at some point, I'm mad because you're hiding from me. For your notice, 'Just a classmate' wouldn't call you 'sweetheart' in front of your mother, and watch your language."

"I will stop hiding when you stop hiding." I spit out before storming out of the office. It might hurt him, he might never forgive me for it, but I don't care anymore, he can't expect me to tell him everything just because he wants to know everything.

River peaked at me from her bedroom's door. "Sierra, I'm so..." I ignore her and lock myself up in my bedroom. I want to scream and fight and break things, but I don't, I just put on my headphones, send a short text to Lennox that I'm home, then turn on my most heart-wrenching playlist and pick up a book to help me escape reality.

Minutes stretch into hours, and no one, including Riv, comes to check on me, which honestly doesn't bother me anyways. By the time it turn to dinner time, my bedroom's door opens, revealing papa's large frame. I ignore him, but he still doesn't care about my silence. "Dinner time."

"Not hungry." I say courtly, my tone flat and indifferent. He suddenly closes the book that rest between my hands, putting it aside on my bedside table.

"Your romance books can wait. You're having dinner with us, now." His tone is firm, frustration edges it. "I won't take no for an answer. Move it."

"And I said NO." I clench my jaw "I'm not hungry, thank you very much." I open my book again.

"Wrong answer," He rasps before scooping me up and throwing me into his shoulders like I'm an insignificant weight "Hey, put me down!" I yelp "Not gonna happen, Cielo. You're going to sit on that table. Show me that pretty smile of yours and eat properly."He says, walking out my room.

I groan heavily, tired of him coming at me again and again today. "Okay, fine, just put me down." I give up.

"What's the magical word?" He taunts, and I fight the urge to snap at him. "Please put me down." I repeat. He finally lets me stand on my feet, looking at me like he has a hundred speeches stuck inside his throat.

I walk silently to the kitchen, where the table is set for four people, papa takes his usual seat on the head of the table, Serafina watches me from across him, while River glances at me from time to time as I sit down and eat in utter silence.

"I made your favorite." Serafina tries to open a conversation through the day's dinner 'arroz al horno', the dish I used to adore as a kid. The dinner goes silent, awkward, River tries to catch my eyes with hers, but I know that I'm too mad to talk to her right now, and I'll just end up fighting with her.

"Your friend Esmeray, came looking for you earlier." Papa breaks the ice, his deep voice sounding unsure. I nearly choke on the rice I was chewing on, Serafina serves me a cup of water with a clear worried expression. I gulp it down.

"Please don't tell me you told them I was with Lennox." I plead. River winces from across me "I'm sorry..."

Oh shit, I'm so screwed...

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October 8th;

Unexpected alliances are the best, but I wish I can trust you more, Hades...

A father's worries are heart-warming, but I wish I could talk to you, papa...

A sister's innocence is beautiful, but I wish you wake up, Riv...

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