Steps of Courage

Chapter 4

I was working my first shift at the library, returning books left in the returns bin. I started to hum Count On My by Bruno Mars as I arranged the books back onto their shelves. A person - student maybe? - walked past me, glancing slightly in my direction, but the hoodie over their face made it impossible to make out who it was. I went back to putting the books away when I heard a noise. I ran towards the noise to find that books were scattered all over the floor, pieces of paper were thrown around everywhere, and chairs were knocked over. I put everything away, sighing, and then went back to my work. 

This same thing happened every day for the next week. I walked up to the mess one day and I just wanted to get to the bottom of who was causing the mess. 

"Again?" I asked, looking at the familiar mess and sighing, "This is getting ridiculous."

I decided to stay longer than my scheduled shift to try and catch this mystery person in the act. As I was putting books away, I heard the noise again. I turned around just quick enough to see the mess, and a hooded figure making a bee-line for the exit. 

"Hey!" I yelled after them, startled, "Stop!"

But they disappeared out the doors almost as quickly as they came. Frustrated, I wandered back over to the mess. 

"Who are you, and why are you doing this?" I asked under my breath before cleaning up. 

I went into the office and studied the security footage looking for clues. I was determined to figure out who this person was. Eventually I gave up and met up with Alexa for our daily coffee catch up. But today was different. When I got there, Alexa was on the phone to someone. She said her goodbyes to the person as I sat down with her, but instead of greeting me she just started scrolling on her phone. So I opened my laptop. 

"Oh Katie, you won't believe what Bree did today." Alexa said, giggling but not looking up from her phone. "She's seriously the best."

Bree was a new friend Alexa had made. As I worked in the library, she was catching up with Bree and they had grown super close. I looked up from my laptop and nodded, forcing a smile. 

"We're going to grab dinner together tonight." Alexa says, and I stopped my work. 

"I thought you were coming over to my house for dinner?" I asked, hurt. 

"Oh, shoot. Well, Bree already made reservations and I promised I would go, maybe some other time." Alexa says. 

"Yeah..." I say, trailing off. 

Since her and Bree had become close, I hadn't been to her house, and she hadn't come to mine. My mom constantly asked about it, but I found a way to brush it off, I was running out of excuses. Alexa continued talking about her day with Bree, and my smile faded as I realized she wasn't even paying attention to me at all and I felt this sinking feeling of isolation. I wished I could go out and connect with others the way her and Bree had connected. It was just so easy for her. 

"Hey, are you okay?" Alexa asked, looking at me for the first time since I'd gotten there, "You seem a bit quiet."

"Yeah, just tired from classes, you know?" I said, brushing her off. 

Alexa nodded, her attention immediately going back to her phone and Bree. 

"Bree has been such a good friend to me, you know? We have so much in common." Alexa said, and I silently nodded. 

I didn't want to reveal the jealousy and loneliness I was feeling because it would only cause a fight. I wondered if there was something wrong with me, and Alexa needed to replace me for some reason. Was it my anxiety? The way I looked? The fact that we aren't in many classes together? None of these things seemed to matter in our childhood, so what could it be?

"You should come hang out with us sometime!" Alexa says, and I force a smile. "Bree is super cool."

"Maybe. I'll see how I feel." I said, not wanting to plainly say no, but also really not wanting to go anywhere with them. 

Alexa was so completely absorbed in her phone that she didn't even see me leave. I wished I had the courage to express how I felt to Alexa, but my anxiety and fear of confrontation held me back. The newly found distance between us seemed to only widen as the night went on when I got no texts from her asking why I left, only a notification that she had posted a picture on her instagram. Of her and Bree out to dinner together. I felt so alone.