Steps of Courage

Chapter 28

In the morning before class I sent Aiden a couple more texts, I couldn't shake the feeling he had done something bad from my stomach - and the feeling only intensified when he left them all unanswered. 

As the day continued, he was nowhere to be found. He wasn't waiting outside my class like usual, he wasn't anywhere at the library or the coffee shop. And I went to a couple of his other friends and they said they hadn't seen him either. 

This wasn't like him at all. To just disappear unannounced. There had to be a logical reason for why he wasn't here and why he wasn't answering my texts. 

But the feeling only got worse as the day progressed so after my last class I went to his house for answers. 

I got there and his dad was packing his things into the car in the driveway. I couldn't see Aiden, so I approached him. 

"Excuse me, I'm Katie, I'm Aiden's friend. Is he inside?" I asked.

"Hi Katie. No I'm sorry, he left for his mom's house this morning." he said, continuing to pack. "Can I help you with anything?"

"No, it's okay. Thank you anyway." I said, turning around to walk home. 

"Anytime sweetheart." he said as I started walking. 

Despite his calmness, I knew that he hadn't gone to his mom's house. He would've fought till the end. He's somewhere but definitely not there. 

As I continued my walk home the fear that he was in trouble or hurt only got worse. I wondered in a desperate panic where he could be. Could he be waiting for me somewhere? Was I supposed to be meeting him somewhere and he's been waiting all day? I checked my phone, only to be disappointed that it wasn't true. All I was faced with was my unanswered messages. 

"Where could he be?" I mumbled to myself, my voice trembling as I stared at the messages. 

Then the realization hit me. How could I have been so stupid? He had run. He didn't want me to find him. He didn't want anyone to find him. He wanted to get away. And he did. Leaving me all alone. I felt selfish for feeling what I felt next because Aiden was probably terrified out there somewhere in the dark by himself, but I couldn't help feeling betrayed. He had left without telling me - his best friend - and now I was left by myself to deal with my own shit without his help. It was selfish and rude, I knew, but I wasn't sure how I could keep going without him. I needed to find him, and quickly. 

I called him and it went straight to voicemail. His phone had either died or he had turned it off. So I left a voicemail for him. 

"Hey, it's me, Katie. I've been looking for you all day. Your dad said you had already gone to your mom's but I know that isn't true. Please, call me back soon. I'm really starting to worry."

An hour passed with no response and I started getting more and more anxious. So I left him another voicemail. 

"Aiden, where are you? Please, just call me back, I need to know you're okay. We can talk about what's going on, I can help you. You don't have to do this alone."

Another hour passed with no response and I was getting desperate. I started to cry as I left him another voicemail. 

"It's me again. I'm scared, okay? I don't know exactly why you ran away, but you don't have to disappear like this. I'm your best friend, we're supposed to stick together. Please, just, call me back."

Another hour of crying and panicking passed with still no response. So I left a final voicemail for him. 

"This isn't like you. Where are you? I'm really freaking out now. Call me, please, we can figure this out together. I seriously can't handle the thought of you not coming back."

I had another full-blown panic attack. I don't know if I can live without him. I was struggling to handle the reality that I might never see him again. And every time I thought I was okay again, I would look at my phone - see how much time has passed without a response from him - and start shaking and crying again. It was an awful cycle that I didn't break until I cried myself to sleep.