Steps of Courage

Chapter 10

The next day I decided I was going to make a last attempt at making friends. Maybe if I went to a place where people with the same interests were, I would find someone to get along with. So I went to the library. I hadn't been in there since I found out about the things Alexa and Bree had been saying, but I was desperate. My eyes darted nervously from group to group. The air was filled with quiet conversations, clicking of keyboards and turning of pages. I spotted two girls and I mustered all the courage I had left to talk to them. 

"Hey, uhm, mind if I join you guys?" I asked. 

The girls glanced away from each other to make eye contact with me, before looking back at each other awkwardly. 

"Uhm, sure, I guess." One girl says. 

I sat down at their table, but the pair's energy had been disrupted by my presence. All that was left was an awkward silence hanging over us. 

"So, did anyone catch the game last night?" the other girl asks, changing the subject from whatever they were talking about before. 

I tried to contribute as the two girls talked about the game, but my input felt out of place. They shared an uneasy glance and I too felt their discomfort. 

"Yeah, the game was... uhm, interesting." I fumbled. 

They smiled politely, but the atmosphere stayed strained and awkward. 

"Sorry, I... I'll just go." I said, panicking. 

I stood up abruptly, my face flushed with embarrassment, and hurried away from the pair. As I retreated to an empty corner, I felt the weight of their judgment and rejection, and the panic intensified. The area around me turned into a blur, and I struggled to breathe. My heart raced and I slid to the floor, hyperventilating. 

"Breathe, just breathe." I whispered to myself. 

I clutched my chest. Waves of self-doubt and isolation went crashing over me and I couldn't keep the tears back. 

"Why can't I just... be normal?" I asked myself with a shaky breath. 

I felt myself rocking as the sense of failure and loneliness sunk in. I hugged my knees to my chest and attempted to squeeze them to relieve the stress but I felt weak and light headed. I closed my eyes, when suddenly I heard a soft laugh of someone in front of me. 

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Aiden asked, sarcastically, "The mighty Katie in distress?"

He smirked, but I continued to focus on my breathing. He noticed the genuine distress on my face and his smile faltered. It completely faded as my breathing quickened. I glanced up and our gaze met, and I quickly wiped at my tears. 

"Go away, Aiden," I said, panicking, "I don't need your... mocking."

Instead, he surprised me. He took a step towards me, and I could sense an unusual feeling of empathy. 

"Hey, I don't know what's going on, but it looks pretty serious." he said, softly, "You need to breathe, okay?"

I focused on his unusually kind words. His out-of-the-blue concern provided a strange feeling of comfort in my panic. He took another step towards me, and then crouched down to my level. 

"Look, just breathe with me, alright?" he said, in an even softer tone, "In... and out."

He breathed a slow, deliberate breath, and I synchronized my breathing with his. As we sat there sharing the breathing exercise my panic slowly subdued. The corner, once the place for me to cry my feelings of solitude and despair into the universe, became a safe space. 

"Thanks... I guess." I whispered. 

There was a hint of sincerity in his eyes as he nodded. 

"You should never have to go through anything like this alone. If it happens again, find someone. A friend, family member, whoever." he said, standing back up. 

As I continued to catch my breath, I managed a small, reluctant smile. 

"Okay, well, I hope you feel better soon. Don't spread any rumors that I helped you or anything." he said, before winking and then walking away. 

I was left alone to fully collect myself, and I watched him walk away with a mix of emotions. No matter how small, it seemed as if there was a truce that had just been formed between the two of us. A surprising truce that never seemed like it would happen. Ever.