Steps of Courage

Chapter 33

I get to our usual meeting spot to walk to campus together and he smiles. 

"Fancy seeing you here." he said, laughing. 

I laughed too - on the outside - but on the inside I was only more confused. Did I imagine last night? 

The rest of the walk was pretty chilled out. Little to no mention of the weekend, and definitely no mention of the kiss. He was just acting like just my best friend again and I wasn't sure why. 

Once we were on campus it felt weird. All the people here. Aiden's friends. Classmates. None of them have any idea of what happened between us over the weekend. And I'm starting to think that I imagined it too. 

Once I get to my class, Aiden leaves me to go to his and I watch him leave. He glanced back at me and smiled at me. But it wasn't a 'I-want-to-date-you' smile, it was a 'See-you-later-best-friend' smile. 

After he leaves fully I take my phone out. I looked through all the photos of that day. The photos of Aiden. The photos with Aiden. The videos with Aiden. The videos of the forest. The video of us following the river. The photos and videos of me on his back. The weekend definitely happened, so why was he acting like it didn't? 

We don't talk much on the walk back to my house. We just walk in a comfortable silence, letting us sit alone in our thoughts. I glanced at him occasionally. 

What was he thinking about?

Was he thinking about the kiss as well? Or had he moved on already?

We get to my house and we stand awkwardly for a few seconds. I don't want to go inside and he doesn't leave. 

"Well, I'll talk to you either tonight or tomorrow. See you!" he says, and then he just... walks away. 

He stopped and turned around once. Smiled and waved at me. Then walked away again. 

I went inside and then watched him leave out the window again. 

I wish I could kiss him again.

That was silly though, it was just one kiss. It's not like it's love or anything. I'm not even sure if he likes me now, which is even more confusing. I shouldn't be thinking like this. It was just a crush. It's not going to work out either. He's way too kind, gentle and funny. He deserves better - and he obviously thinks the same. 

I'm just the broken girl with no one to fix her. 

Later that night I was DESPERATE for answers. So I took a risk, and I texted him. 

Me: Hey, I'm confused

Aiden: What's up?

Aiden: Math?

Aiden: Science?

Me: No, us

Me: What are we?

Me: I'm really confused

Me: Are we together?

Aiden: Have I asked you out?

Me: Well... no...

Aiden: There's your answer

I was shocked. I was expecting him to say no, but not like that. That was just flat out rude. I didn't respond to him and after a few minutes I got another text from him. 

Aiden: I'm going out for a run, I'll see you tomorrow for our walk to campus

Me: Don't count on it

He couldn't expect me to just be waiting for him when he got back. 

I wasn't just someone for him to play with and then get bored of. 

I wasn't just going to lie around under his bed and wait for him to want me again. 

I'm going to move on. I can't like him anymore. 

I just need to figure out how.