Steps of Courage

Chapter 19

The next day, Alexa made sure to make my day a living hell. All the laughter and happiness we once shared was replaced by death glares, rude remarks, and deliberate exclusion. 

I entered the lecture theater of the only class that Alexa and I had together. As soon as I walked in I could feel the atmosphere instantly shift. As I walked through the classroom, whispers followed me. Every glance I took at classmates, they were already staring. I looked over at Alexa, she was sitting with a group of girls, all laughing together. She took a moment away from her conversation to look at me before rolling her eyes and returning to the conversation. She then ignored my existence for the rest of the lesson. 

At lunch I sat in the cafe by myself. I was studying - still trying to ace the upcoming test - while also eating. Alexa walked past with her new group of besties, very plainly avoiding eye contact with me. The laughter that followed them walking away from me, seemed to be pointed in my direction. Like they were laughing at my solitude. 

As I was walking to my next class I passed Alexa. Damn this girl was everywhere. As I passed her she bumped into me. The aggression behind the action proved it was intentional. Then she threw a dismissive glance in my direction, and her eyes alone communicated the message loud and clear - she wasn't going to leave me alone any time soon. 

I was in the library after, trying to focus on my studies. Alexa and her friends were on the table nearest to me, laughing obnoxiously loudly to rub in my solitude a little more. Every glance Alexa made in my direction was a reminder of the friendship I lost. I had to remind myself that even though it feels crap right now, I don't actually want to be friends with her. I remembered what Aiden said to me. 

Aiden: Don't you feel better now that it's over? Maybe you will miss her a little, but do you miss the current her, or the old her?

And he was right, I didn't miss the current version. The version of Alexa that ignored me and intentionally made me feel bad. 

Eventually all of Alexa's friends left. And she approached me. I wasn't sure why, but I knew she was there as I could just sense the tension. 

"Hey, Katie. Can we talk?" Alexa asks. 

I looked up. I was curious what she wanted to say. So I nodded. 

"Fine, what's up?" I asked. 

"I've been trying to understand why you ended our friendship." Alexa says, taking a deep breath, "Can you please tell me the truth?"

She was plainly faking her innocence. And I was done with her mind games. 

"You don't really want to hear the truth, do you?" I asked, my eyes narrowing, "All you ever want is to be right, even if that means you have to lie to do it."

"What? Everything seemed fine, and then you just randomly cut me off." Alexa says. 

"The only thing that you've proven is that there's no one who ever has done better at making me feel worse." I said, sighing, "There's nothing that ever did quite kill me more than what you did. Now you really are the winner, why don't you take a bow?"

"I had no idea!" Alexa says, faking an innocent tone, "Why didn't you say something?"

"I tried." I said, my frustration deepening, "I reached out, but you always dismissed it. How do I somehow feel guilty for ending our friendship when you're the one who let it get this bad?"

"I swear, I never meant to make you feel that way," Alexa says, maintaining her fake innocence and shaking her head, "I thought we were just going through a rough patch."

"I was only trying to survive your chaos." I say, leaning towards her angrily, "It's really paid off hasn't it?"

"I wish you'd talked to me about this. We could've worked through it." Alexa said. 

"Worked through it?" I asked, scoffing, "You were the problem, and you refused to see it."

Alexa looked away, and I saw one of her new besties waiting for her. A tense silence settled over us. 

"Fuck you, Katie." Alexa shouted, throwing my things on the floor before joining her bestie. 

The atmosphere stayed tense as she walked away. I felt everyone in the library stare at me, their gaze making me feel sticky. Shit, not again. My breath and hands began to get shaky and I struggled to get up to pick my things up off the floor. I tried to grab at a book, but the tears welling in my eyes made my depth perception much worse and I couldn't get a steady grasp on it. With every failed attempt at grabbing the book, the panic welled up until I was struggling to breathe. I gave up trying to pick the book up and just stayed there kneeling on the floor, watching my hands shake as more and more tears welled up. My breath got faster and faster.

"Whoa, what happened here?" Aiden asked, looking at me and the mess on the floor. 

"Alexa..." I tried responding, but couldn't form sentences due to lack of breath, "she just... I can't..."

Aiden quickly picked all my things up from the floor, and then took my hand. He helped me up and I leant on him like a crutch as he took me into a corner, away from the prying eyes from the people at the library. 

"Deep breaths." He said, sitting down next to me, "In and out."

I tried to follow his guidance, but my breathing stayed fast and shaky despite my best attempts. 

"Come on, you're making me look bad with all this fast breathing." Aiden said, smirking. "I thought I was the only one who took your breath away."

Despite my panic, I managed a small laugh at Aiden, and I shoved him gently. But soon I was in silence with my thoughts again, and the breathing got worse. 

"Aiden, I can't..." I whispered, "I can't breathe."

His mood changed in a heartbeat and he put his arms around me. 

"Hey, you're okay." he said, squeezing me tighter, "I've got you. Focus on my voice. Breathe with me."

I closed my eyes and listened to Aiden breathing, his confident demeanor was a comforting anchor to wrap myself around and sink into. Slowly, my breathing synced with his. 

"That's it." Aiden whispered, "You're doing great."

Once I was fully composed, I looked up at him with gratitude. 

"Thank you. I don't know what I would've done without you." I said. 

He smirked, but his cocky demeanor still stayed at bay. 

"Well, clearly, you would've been lost without your fairy godfather," he said. 

I felt a surge of warmth throughout my body, it was strange for someone to be slipping back and forth between humor and concern and have it seem so natural, but the way he did it... worked. 

"You... you really helped me." I said. 

He grinned down at me, looking directly back into my eyes. 

"That's what friends are for," he said. 

I blinked in surprise. He thought we were friends now?

"Friends?" I asked, confused. 

"Yeah, friends." he chuckled, a genuine warmth shining through his eyes, "Surprising, huh?"

"Yeah, it is." I said, but after a second of processing I realized that he was actually a really good friend, and so I broke into a smile, "Thanks, I'm lucky to be able to call you my friend."

"Well, get used to it, because I'm not going anywhere." he says, winking down at me playfully.

He helped me up and we went back to my things and I collected them all, and then we walked home together again.