in the middle of the chaos | jean kirstein x fem!reader

23 | in the middle of dauper village

She laid down on her bed and stared at Sasha's bunk above hers. She thought back to when they were little, to Jean's chubby cheeks stuffing his mouth with omelette, then to their first weeks in the Training Corps, to his annoying smirk and cocky attitude. Now, he was all soft smiles and calm eyes with her, good leadership skills and managing his anger; that was to an extent, but there was evident improvement. He'd grown up, not only in personality, but appearance, too. He had muscles now, he was growing taller, his face was more pointed, but in a good way. He was quite good-looking now, really.

Wait.

No, that was okay. Objectively looking, Jean was good looking. She was his best friend, but that didn't mean she didn't notice his features.

''Y/n!'' Sasha called as she suddenly burst into the room, her hands cupped around her mouth. ''You're gonna miss sending Jean off!''

Right. After they'd returned to the walls, all new recruits were sent off to another Survey Corps base, and after that Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Jean were summoned for a mission. Y/n hadn't talked with Jean since they returned from beyond the walls. Every time she thought about him, she felt more and more confused.

Y/n didn't move, continuing to stare at Sasha's bunk. ''I can't.''

''Huh?'' Y/n heard Sasha close the door behind her. ''What are you talking about?'' Sasha trudged over to Y/n's bed and motioned for her to scoot over, which Y/n did, before Sasha laid down next to her. The two laid shoulder to shoulder in silence for a bit, though Y/n could feel Sasha moving every few seconds. ''You know . . . I've noticed how awkward you and Jean are around each other. Is everything okay between you two?''

Y/n bit the inside of her cheek. They were technically on a leave right now — was there finally time for her to confine her feelings. ''Jean, he . . . confessed his feelings for me.''

''WHAT?'' Sasha sat up, sitting on her legs to look down at Y/n. ''When did that happen? What are you talking about?''

Y/n sighed and sat up as well, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs, then told Sasha about the night Jean had confessed his feelings. ''. . . and I just ran away basically. It's been so awkward since then, the only times we talked was during the mission.''

Sasha tilted her head. ''But . . . don't you like him back?''

Y/n shrugged. ''I don't know. I care about him, of course, but I've always cared for him because we've always been together. I don't know how romantic feelings feel, I don't get that — I mean, how does he know he likes me romantically? Maybe he's just confusing it. I don't know.''

''Hm. Do you see yourself living with him in the future? Getting married?'' Sasha asked.

Y/n looked at the sheets. Of course she'd imagined her and Jean living in the interior before, but never in that way. Of course she'd known they would always be there for each other, but she never thought too deep about it. She never thought things between them would change. She shrugged again. ''I don't know.''

Sasha nodded. ''Okay, then . . . how would you feel if Jean was with somebody else?''

Y/n's eyes widened. If he gets together with another girl, he'll start spending more time with his girlfriend than with me, and then when they get married they might move away and then I'll see him maybe only for holidays, if he even— Y/n's blood ran cold. No, that couldn't be possible, right? Jean wouldn't just forget about her, right? ''I don't . . . I don't know. I don't really want that. I thought it'd always be the two of us, but I never really thought in what way.'' Y/n's eyes finally met Sasha's. We're like two halves of a whole, you know? One doesn't really go anywhere without the other — except now, I guess.''