The Man She Loved

Chapter Nineteen

Thanks to everyone who has voted and commented in last chapter ❤️

Pranitha's POV----

Everything is back to normal between me and Agastya only if you consider me ignoring him 24 by 7 and being around him only when I know he needs my help in doing something a normal situation, and to say after that night I wasn't left alone like I have wanted Agastya has tried to talk to me not one or two but too many times only for me to ignore him, there is no way I am going to listen anything coming out from his liar mouth.

I gazed back at the ring on my left hand and couldn't help but think about Arjun, My Arjun, he always understood me, never lied to me, never made me cry, everything with Arjun was opposite to how things were with Agastya, for Agastya I was the Arjun who always tried her best to be best for him, to keep him happy, I will not lie and say he was a villain in our story, it was quite opposite he was a hero, a hero when he walked in and punch the guy who tried to snatch my notebook from me, a hero when helped me I fell down from bicycle in cycle race and lost the race for me, a hero who took blame for me when I almost burnt down his kitchen, a hero for far many times I can count, and looking at my and Arjun's situation I feel more like Agastya in our story, Did I not do same with Arjun what Agastya has done with me five years back but with a minor difference I feel more villain than Agastya could ever be, I have done when I have my Arjun's memory intact in my head, I have married Agastya when the ring on my left finger gave me constant reminder that I love a man, a man who was also my fiancee, I hide my face in between my palms before I broke down in my ugly sobs, I was loud and uncaring at this moment not caring about who heard or who saw me like this,the pain in my heart at this moment is unbearable, the memories of my time with Agastya and my time with Arjun invoked a bittersweet ache in my heart, like a memory of Agastya taking me in arms and whispering sweet nothing in my ear telling me how it wasn't my fault that the kitchen is almost burnt down made me chuckle before the memory of him in hospital bed  after he woke up from his short term coma and looked at me like I am a stranger or him telling me to get out from there and not annoy him, like this many memories haunted me at this moment including my time with Arjun like the dance we did on the terrace with 'lag ja gale' playing in background, but the most painfull of all  was him telling me he loved me before he left me, and my sob started to get louder and more louder.

 
I don't know how much time passed but from last few minutes or may be hours I felt him beside me sitting silently not uttering a word, I felt his eyes piercing a hole on side of my head before I was pulled by my forearm and in such angle that my face was now on his thighs, I couldn't help but dug my face more into his thighs as tear after tear washed down my cheeks, I felt his hand brushing my hairs and I didn't realise when tiredness took over me and darkness embraced me.

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The loud voice of crickets woke me up, I found myself snuggled in his lap, I felt his hand still brushing my hairs, my first thought was to pull myself away and show my disdain to his touch but a tiny bit part which liked the warmth coming from his touch opposed the idea, I remained still in the position I was in with my eyes closed, I felt his hand moving away from my hairs and settling on side of my cheeks, his thumb rubbed on the exposed part of my cheeks so tenderly that for a second I was back to the time when everything was fine between us, when his touch, caresses and kisses were all I had ever felt and loved.

"I cannot even tell you How sorry I am Pari" I tried to stop my body from reacting on his words but against my hardest try it stiffened going still, I don't think I am even breathing at this moment "After what has happened I strongly believed I didn't deserve you, I didn't deserve the happiness, I didn't deserve your unconditional love, I was only trying to punish myself for the mistake I have made unconsciously I never realised  I was punishing you all along with me, I never stopped to think that it wasn't only me who was hurting with what I have done, I never wanted to drag you in this, I never wanted you to have a selfish fool like me" it all was barely a whisper followed by a tiny drop of what I assume tears against my cheeks "I cannot help it Pari, I cannot help but be selfish at this moment after how I have got you back when I have expected the least..." the way his hand shivered before clutched into a fist on my cheeks made me realised that he is holding his sobs and words all back.

"I thought it was what best for you, for us, It was too late, too late for me to turn back, P.."

"It's too late now as well Agastya, It's too late now as well" I couldn't held it back anymore, I couldn't stop myself from speaking and keep faking the sleep, I pulled myself away from him and a part of me almost yearned for his warmth but I got it in control before I do something nonsense like putting my head back to where it was a moment ago "What make you think that it will be alright between us after what has occurred in past" A tear slide down from my eyes and I didn't shy away because Agastya has seen me much more vulnerable that anyone has ever did, he has seen my ugly cries and happiest day of life "You thought it was best to hide it from me, to keep me in dark, to make a part of me wonder everyday of my life about how you would react when you will find out that it was me all along, a part of me which wanted nothing more other than you getting your memory back and remember me, a part of me who only wanted you by my side even if that mean to have you just as a friend just as the Agastya on whom I relied, I would have let you go Agastya, I would have let you live a happy life with my sister even after knowing you remember me, I love.. loved you enough to let you go and be happy with whoever you were with, all this time when I begged when I cried for your attention it wasn't solely because I wanted you for myself Agastya It was also because I was worried and hurt that the man I loved was being cheated, the people I loved has backstabbed me Agastya"

"Pari.." his eyes were glossy, lips were trembling, I could clearly see he is hurting along with me and It didn't bought any satisfaction to me but hurt me more

"No Agastya, You don't even know, just because you assumed what was best didn't make it best,you deciding to be a coward and hiding behind the mask of memory loss made it hurt more Agastya, It's not okay, nothing is okay, we are not okay, it's not that easy Agastya, It was five years of my life, five years of me crying, wondering and missing you, if it wouldn't have been for Arjun, for my Arjun.." I deliberately emphasized My Arjun just to let him know that the place which was once his now belongs to another, to the one I have came to love overtime ".... I wouldn't have been here, I would have killed myself long back, It was depressing to lose you, to be away from you, to see you loving kissing someone who wasn't me" it all followed by a sob I tried my best to suppress, I felt his fingers under my chin and he raised my head up, our eyes met and we shared the most painfull eyelock in our time together, both of ours eyes were shining with pain, hurt and so much of pain.

"I ... I" he let out a broken chuckle which were followed by his restless tears "I did it to make you hate me Pari, I did everything for you to close my chapter in your life, I was heartbroken and devasted after knowing the truth, I was in pain and knew I didn't deserve you, seeing you within arm reach and not able to reach you was insufferable,all I can say in my defence is I was trying to save you Pari, If I would have given in and have cleared the air between us it wouldn't have taken me any longer to give in to you as well, I wouldn't have ever let you go after getting you back in my arm and after what I have done I didn't deserve you" his words were simple but full with emotions, every words showed equal amount of pain, devotion and emotion, I couldn't help but cry along with him, this was the moment I have waited for five years of my life, I have wanted Agastya to remember everything I have wanted him to look at me in the way he is looking at me now not with that robotic void eyes, but now when the same thing is happening I amn't happy, I am in pain and yearning for the one who was my bestfriend before everything, who would have heard me and wouldn't have judged me, he never judged me even after knowing that somewhere even a simple thing about Agastya affects me, someone who is My Arjun.

"Pari.."

"I need time Agastya, I need time" I look into his eyes and whispered, he looked broken but didn't say anything back but only nodded his head agreeing with my demand.

_______________TO BE CONTINUED.......

A/N : I personally feel that this chapter could have been more better and tiny bit of emotional but then at this moment I am failing to give perfect emotions in these words.