Arranged marriage: Skeletons(sequel)

Sad, depressed?

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
Because incase you couldn't tell,
The number of thoughts flooding
my mind exceed every number
marked on scale,
So many voices in my head,
Which one of them is mine?
That I cannot tell,
And I cannot help the feeling
that they are the demons that to
compliments they have left me
deaf,

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
That is why sometimes in one
place I feel stuck,
And I cannot breath properly
under the eyes of many,
The memories I keep are of all
the things that left a nasty scar,
And when I see the vanished
marks of hot wax,
I am tempted to make new ones,

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
That is why I cannot stay afloat
in this river of a past I
cannot change,
But cannot seem to forget,
A strange blame weighs heavy
on my head on things that I
had no control over,
Why I can sit in a crowded room
but still be stuck in my head,

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
I enjoy gazing at the dark blue
sky at night,
With all its stars and moonlight,
Because it assures me that
there is a darkness viewed as beautiful,
Which is not what I can say
about the one shadowing
my soul,

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
There is a void in my heart that
never fills,
A lump of anxiety that just
won't sink,
And I feel a great loneliness yet
I do not wish to be involved
in any acts of being social,

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
I look at my mirror reflection
and wonder if the creator closed
his eyes when he made me,
If my suffering is as a result
of a sin committed by my
oblivious soul in my past life,
Or does he simply count me
as one of those who ought
to suffer the most before
any lasting joy visits their hearts,

I am not depressed,
I am just sad,
That is why sometimes I am
tempted to fall back into the
tight arms of self-harm,
To allow my anxiety kiss away
my every thought of getting out
of this shell in which I lie,
For the trauma of my past to
keep me in skin cutting shackles,

I am not sad,
I am just depressed,
And although that is something
I wish not to accept,
I still hope for it to end.

S.B.D7