Sweetened || HS AU

• twenty-seven •

this chapter isn't really progressive.
filler chapter with a little length.
enjoy!

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| Jailen |

I didn't know how to grieve.

I didn't feel as if I deserved to. Had I not let my emotions get the best of me, maybe I could've heard the flatline in time to call for help before it was too late.

The first day, I cried. I cried. And I cried until I fell asleep and I'm sure I cried when I was asleep too.

The second day was the same until I threw up in the middle of me sobbing.

On the third day, I think I started hallucinating, hearing my dad's voice and seeing him walk through the halls

On the fourth day... well that was today. And today, I woke up... fine.

I was sad, of course, but I felt fine, which Harry immediately took notice of. He's been here since the first day, helping me take care of Hayden because unfortunately, I was incapable of doing so myself, especially when I could barely breathe without crying.

But I didn't talk to him. In fact, I didn't talk at all, unless it was small, mumbled replies to Hayden, which I felt horrible about. There just wasn't much I could do without completely breaking down.

Harry tried talking to me, asking me where things were or how things worked in my apartment, and he was ignored unless it was something related to Hayden, but she was capable of talking for herself so even then, I didn't have to say much to him.

Maybe he could go talk to Peyton.

I was still beyond pissed about that and the fact that I was actually angry about him having relations with someone else annoyed me even more. That wasn't my place, especially since I had a whole boyfriend up until about two weeks ago. Harry was right.

But knowing that didn't heal my heart.

Getting ready for a funeral felt weird, especially because of whose funeral it was. It still didn't seem real. I was silent the entire time I was getting ready this morning, doing nothing to stop the tears from falling as I blended them in with my foundation.

When Hayden showed me her dress, I think that was the first time I genuinely smiled in days. She's so beautiful.

Harry took on the role of being the present parent and considering that I was mentally absent. She didn't deserve that but she deserved to feel the love Harry was giving her, even if it did make me feel like a horrible fucking parent.

I kept my sunglasses on my face as we approached the funeral home but it didn't hide my frown. I didn't recognize any of the people that were standing outside and I did not doubt that they were all friends of my mom, which automatically made me dislike them. Anyone willingly hanging out with that woman was evil. But I noticed some people had cameras hanging around their necks.

I did my research on this funeral home and apparently, you could only have services here if you were someone important, which would explain the paparazzi. I loved my dad but he was nowhere near important enough to have his funeral here, which only meant that my mom pulled some strings and manipulated someone.

She still hadn't reached out to me. I wasn't sure why I had expected her to or what I had even expected her to say especially because she didn't show up to the hospital until after I was gone and I only knew that because Jason told me.

And then I was upset about that. So, for the past three days, I just added it to the list of things to cry about.

Harry parked the car and killed the engine. The silence was back and I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt the teardrop on my chest.