Sweetened || HS AU

• thirty-seven •

| Jailen |

I couldn't figure out the connection between children and water but Hayden was obsessed.

Maybe it was the fact that she knew that this beach was hers because I couldn't think of any other reason to spend three consecutive hours in the water.

Three!

I was confused but I didn't complain in the slightest. It took her mind off of the fact that Harry didn't have her lunch and she eventually settled for peanut butter and jelly. I think she was too excited to care, she just knew she had to eat something.

She didn't even care that the beach water had made her bread soggy after insisting that she ate her sandwich in the water. I didn't argue and neither did Harry.

The sun had begun to set and considering she missed her nap, she was exhausted.

"Wanna sit on the sand with me?" I asked as I swayed her gently from side to side in the water. She was halfway asleep and the moment she nodded, I knew she had tired herself out.

We made our way out of the water and I found a spot in the sand. I sat with my legs crossed and put her in my lap, wrapping my arms around her to keep her warm because it would undoubtedly get chilly now that the sun was going down.

I stared out into the water, the rays reflecting off of it and calming me more than I had been yesterday.

I frowned, I had forgotten all about my feelings. I had forgotten all about the fact that today was Christmas Eve. I had forgotten all about the fact that my dad had died.

I wrapped my arms tighter around Hayden, a single tear sliding down my cheek as I listened to her quiet snores over the sound of the waves hitting the shore.

"So pretty," Harry's voice sounded from beside me and I hadn't even heard him approach.

"Isn't it?" I responded, turning my head away from the sunset to look up at him but I couldn't help the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach when I realized he wasn't staring at the sunset.

We locked eyes and he smiled, lifting his hand to show the blanket that he was holding, "It's getting cold."

The goosebumps that rose on my skin when his fingers brushed against my shoulders in the process of him wrapping the blanket around us was embarrassing. I could easily blame it on the weather but we both know that was a lie.

When he was certain that Hayden was fully covered, he sat next to me, now focusing on the sunset but I kept my eyes on him. Just like Hayden's, his eyes sparkled nearly clear. His lips naturally pouted and his face clean shaven, he looked godly. I was obsessed. Hayden was his twin, it was almost scary.

"Are you going to tell me why you were just crying?" He mumbled, keeping his eyes ahead. His hair was messy because of the wind but he didn't seem to mind.

I pursed my lips and turned my head from him, looking down at our daughter who was sleeping peacefully, "It's Christmas and my dad is dead." I decided against lying and telling him that nothing was wrong.

"It's Christmas Eve," he replied and from the corner of my eye, I could see him smiling.

I smiled, "It's Christmas Eve and my dad is dead, sorry."

"No worries, sweetie," he chuckled and I rolled my eyes, but my smile never left my lips.

"I don't know. It's weird. I went four without talking to him or seeing him for Christmas but this year just feels... strange."

I didn't let him say anything before I was speaking again, the words quickly tumbling from my mouth, "I guess it's because I knew he was at home. I don't know, it's silly but I always thought I'd be able to introduce him and Hayden to each other. Eventually, I mean. Even if it meant interacting with my mother..."

"It's not silly, sweetie," Harry mumbled from beside me, "It's good that you were able to want to introduce them. Means you're healing."

I frowned, "No," my eyes watered, "I only wanted them to meet once and then I was never going to speak to him again. I just wanted him to see what he was missing out on because of the choices he and my mom made. It was selfish, but now that I don't even have the chance to be selfish, I just feel... silly."

It fell silent between us. I listened to the water, blinking away the tears and lowering my head when one slipped out.

"It's not silly," he repeated, "You're hurt. You have every right to be selfish because we were selfish all those years. We took choices away from you and it's only right that we had choices taken from us as well." He turned his head towards me but I kept my gaze ahead, "I didn't get to know your father and I know that this is probably the last thing you want to hear, sweetie, but he loved you."

I didn't respond. I wasn't even sure how to respond to that. I didn't want to cry, I wasn't supposed to be crying on vacation. I wasn't expecting Harry's words to have any effect on me but here we were - him staring at me while my bottom lip trembled and i fought to keep myself from crying.

He leaned over, his lips pressing gently against my cheek, "I love you."

I turned my face towards him, my lips barely missing his as a tear escaped, and before I could think, the words left my mouth, "I love you."

He was shocked, his eyes widening before he leaned away slightly. And then a smile slowly grew on his face. I took my hand from underneath the blanket and raised it to touch the side of his neck, my thumb resting on his jaw. He leaned into my touch and I leaned closer, pressing my lips to his. I couldn't tell if I was imagining things but I think I felt his body relax.

"I love you," I repeated against his lips for good measure.

"I've waited so long to hear those words from your mouth again, sweetie," Harry's voice wavered and I chuckled.

"Are you about to cry right now?" I teased, even though I was crying myself. I wasn't crying because of my dad anymore. These tears were from the realization that I've never stopped loving Harry, even if I did hate him.

It was confusing. I think I hated what he did rather than him. I don't think I've ever loved a person more than I loved him. Romantically, no one came close. Shit, other than my daughter, Zayn, and Jason, I don't think I loved anyone. Ever.

He scoffed, "No, why- why would I be crying?" He turned his head away from me just as a tear slid down his cheek.

"Aha!" I giggled.

"Fuck," he rolled his eyes, his smile never leaving his face.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching the sunset and listening to him breathe. The waves were louder than anything else but all I could focus on was him. I wrapped my arms a little tighter around my daughter as Harry leaned his head on top of mine.

And then another realization settled and I felt my heart skip a beat.

I was spending Christmas with my family.