The Mafia's Dove (Hyunjin centric)

Makeup

My throat hurt.

I guess to a more alert mind that would have been expected, but as I grew closer and closer to full consciousness, I found myself unable to remember why. It hurt to swallow, which was probably what woke me up in the first place, and it hurt to breathe as well.

Even without doing anything my throat stung, and my neck was throbbing and sore. The pain only worked to accelerate my process of waking up, and as my eyes fluttered open, I realized that they hurt too.

Everything did.

My back felt stiff and tender, my limbs felt heavy, and my head pounded dully as I became more and more alert.

The memories of last night began to trickle back in, and though I felt more put together then last night, my chest still constricted painfully as guilt and shame began to gnaw at my gut. I groaned in embarrassment as memories of my breakdown came back to me, but the action caused tears to prick in my eyes as my throat burned.

This was definitely not the best way to wake up, and I would have gone back to sleep immediately if it weren't for my bladder being close to exploding.

Despite the protesting of my body, I began to lift myself up clumsily, only for my efforts to be thwarted by something wrapped tightly around my waist. I looked down to see Seungmin and Jisung still clinging onto me with a shocking amount of strength, both still deeply asleep, and I stared at the two of them with a tired look.

Right. They stayed with me. Jisung, I could understand a little bit more. He was almost as clingy as Felix was, and he was also an incredibly empathetic person. So even though his boyfriend got hurt because of my carelessness, I could see why he would still try and give me the benefit of the doubt.

But Seungmin? He wasn't cold by any means, which was proven when he helped me with my stitches, but I honestly couldn't understand why he would go through the trouble of staying with me. Perhaps it was for Jisung's sake? That would make the most sense.

As fun as sitting here debating their intentions would be, my bladder protested against the thought. I slowly began to remove their arms from around my waist, occasionally freezing whenever one of them would begin to move. The process was slow, and my desire to pee made me rush a little more than I should have, but in the end I managed to escape their grasp and make my way towards the end of the bed.

I climbed over the foot of the bed as carefully as possible, and I let out a sigh of relief when my feet finally touched the floor.

I didn't want to disturb them, sure. But I also didn't want to have to interact with anyone at the moment.

I could admit when my mind wasn't in the best of places. I have never been ashamed of my poor mental health or unhealthy coping mechanisms, but revealing them to others was something I swore I would never do. I've found it much easier to hide behind stupid jokes and overly dramatic acts. That way, I could still let my emotions out without people taking it seriously. But breaking down crying in the middle of the driveway? That would be very difficult for me to play off as a joke.

Last night was a fluke. A mistake I'll never let happen again. Not only did I fail my duties, but I also inconvenienced Jisung and Seungmin because I couldn't deal with my own emotions. It was shameful, and embarrassing, and something I was far from ready to discuss.

Though if things went how I expected them to go, I'll probably never have to.

I snuck my way into the bathroom and closed the door behind me as quietly as I could, and after locking the door, I swiftly went about my business.

The sound of the toilet flushing might end up waking them up, but I'm not gross enough to not flush, so I risked it. I winced slightly when the sound was louder than I thought it would be, and despite the sound of the toilet still going, I still felt the need to sneak towards the sink.