PJ Liguori (KickThePj) x Reader. REQUESTS CLOSED

PJ Liguori x Reader Request.

Requested by: wallflower_always

Trigger warning: self-harm.
Please do not read this if it will trigger you to harm yourself.

Reader's first POV.

The hate messages from Twitter, the comments on YouTube, are all becoming too much. Maybe they are right. Maybe I'm not good enough for PJ. Maybe I am not pretty enough or creative enough for him.
We've only been dating for a couple of months but we've known one another for much longer. It was his idea to broadcast it all over the Internet. Now all of his fans hate me. He's lost subscribers, like I knew he would. I didn't want him to tell them just yet that we're dating. But no, he couldn't wait. Now we've had an argument. A really big argument. Yeah, we've had arguments before, but they were over little things and we would make up that night. This fight has caused us not to talk to each other for two days. We're both fuming, neither one of us are saying anything to one another. Maybe I should be the one to apologize first since I did start the fight, but I'm not.
The fight started two nights ago. I had read a new Tweet on my Twitter.
'You're such a stupid bitch, you don't deserve PJ.' Was what the Tweet said. That was the last straw. Who was this bitch to send me a Tweet telling me I'm the one that's stupid and that I don't deserve PJ? I've known him since secondary school, she's only known him since he started his YouTube channel.
He saw the Tweet and told me not to pay any attention to it, it's just a jealous "fan". To suspend my account until the whole thing blew over. And that's when I snapped. I started yelling at him, yelling inane shit. He got angry because he felt that I was yelling at him for no reason.
"It's not my fault they're acting this way!" He yelled.
"Excuse me?" I yelled back. "Yes, it is your fault. And I'll tell you why it is your fault. Because you broadcasted it all over the Internet before it was time! That's why."
"But none of it's true!" By the time he said that I had ran into our bedroom and slammed the door shut. I locked it and he banged on the door, yelling for me to open it while I cried my eyes out. He eventually gave up and went away from the door. He slept on the sofa, I slept on the floor in the bedroom.
Now, I'm shut in the bathroom with my old razor blade. He's in the living room, doing whatever he's been doing for the past two days.
I look at the shiny blade, it still looks the same it did ten years ago. I've gone this long without cutting, so why now?
PJ knew that I used to cut, and he's the one who helped me quit. Now all the hate comments and our argument has driven me to do it again. I slide the blade across my arm, relishing from the surprising relief it brings. I've already got a few other marks on both of my arms and thighs, and PJ is just sitting in the living room completely oblivious. Tears stream down my face as I pick up my phone and read yet another hate comment.
There's a knock at the door suddenly and then PJ's voice asks, "What are you doing in there, my love? You've been in there for a while."
"Nothing, go away." I reply.
"Why don't you come out for a little bit, hmm?" PJ says, ignoring my reply. "I've made your favorite dessert."
"No." I say, more firmly.
"Darling, I'm tired of this fuming, sulking thing that's going on between us." He rattles the door handle, only to find that it's locked. "(Y/n), open the door. Open the door right now!"
Cold realization has hit him. He now knows what I'm doing. There's a loud thump as his shoulder now begins hitting the door, trying to break in of course. And I just sit there, my hand shaking, my arms and legs hurting, and snot and tears dripping down my chin. He eventually breaks the door open and I drop the blade, burying my face into my hands.
"(Y/n), why are you doing this?" He asks, his voice cracking as he takes me in his arms. "You promised me you'd never do it again!"
"I'm sorry," I mumble as I bury my face into his shoulder and cry. His fingertips gently run over the places on my thighs and he lets out a shaky breath. I look up at him to see those beautiful green eyes full of unshed tears. His looks down at my arms and runs his fingers over them, causing me to wince slightly.
"(Y/n)," He says quietly. He gets up and gets some things to clean me up with. We sit there quietly on the edge of the bathtub until he's done. Tears have begun to stream down his face and he's blinking rapidly. He looks into my eyes and says, "(Y/n), please don't pay attention to all of those hateful comments. I love you, I'm in love with you, and I love everything little thing about you. You're not ugly, you're beautiful. And we both deserve each other. We make one another happy, we make one another laugh. So what those people who call themselves my fans say doesn't matter. They don't matter. Please promise me you won't do this cutting again?"
"I promise," I say, wiping the tears from his face with my fingertips.
"Good," PJ says as he wraps his arms around my waist. "Now let's go get some of that delicious dessert I just made and cuddle on the sofa while watching your favorite show. And let's not get on anymore social media for awhile, yes?"
"Yeah." I reply. He goes to stand up and I stop him by saying, "Peej?"
"Yes, my beautiful darling?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
He gently plants his lips on mine and we kiss, momentarily forgetting everything.

A/N: I know that self-harm is a pretty common thing amongst some but I fully DISCOURAGE you to do it. This is rather hard for me to put into words so bear with me. I know things can get tough, and I know that you probably get fed up, but cutting or suicide IS NOT the answer. I feel the same sometimes. But whenever you feel like taking a blade to yourself, use a marker instead. Draw where you would normally cut. Draw anything! Draw your favorite song lyrics, quotes, hearts, flowers, your crushes name in a heart with arrows, DRAW ANYTHING, just DO NOT cut! Things will get better eventually, you may not think so right now but it will.
Remember: "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.".
I would also like to clarify that I got this idea from a girl on Tumblr.
Remember again: DON'T CUT, DRAW!!
XO, Hannah (Gatsby1925).