Soulmates - Salvis

VII : Cursed Feelings

CURSED FEELINGS

Travis felt the rain meet his skin, feeling as if his soul comes alive in the rain; the gloomy, dark skies, with the rain feeling like his twin, matching that cursed, sinful mindset of his.

He walked through the rain, viewing as if he was seeping into the fog, growing closer and closer to his destination.

The school appeared throughout the fog in the distance, watching as cars passed by frequently.

He walked into school with wet hair, and clothes. His clothes just as soggy as his mood, the school's chilling air only making him tremble from the wintry ending spirit.

He put his bag into his locker, taking out what he needed. He noticed Sal walking to his locker, conveniently being right across the hall from him, he decided to take this as an advantage to talk to him before his friends could get a chance to.

He walked up to the blue haired boy with a quickened pace, "hey, Sal." Travis spoke up randomly, his tone as normal; dark and gloomy.

"Hey, Travis." Sal responded with the same tone, facing the taller male while leaning on his locker, his head tilted to the side as he spoke to the unnatural blonde.

"I apologized to Larry and Todd yesterday, like you said. I haven't gotten to Ashley yet." Admitted Travis, leaning onto the locker beside him also.

"That's good. I'm proud of you." Sal smiled warmly under that damned prosthetic of his.

"Proud? For simply apologizing?" Travis asked confusedly, by not knowing Travis personality, you could mistake his tone to be aggravated, and or irritated, livid even, by a simple sentence.

"Yeah. It's something that's been needed to be done for years, and something's finally being done about it. You've changed, and in a good way. I'm proud of your development, that's all." Sal explained throughly, not getting rid of that contagious smile of his.

Travis felt shocked, he'd never had anyone really care how he acted, he never heard someone to be truly touched by simple changes, he's amazed at how he will do things that mean so little, yet Sal will always notice. He always pays attention, pays attention to habits, eye contact, mood, tone, and that's more than anyone else could do.

"Oh, uhm.. Thanks." Travis replied gratefully in a mutter, smiling small, yet thankfully, unable to hold eye contact for long without tearing away with embarrassment.

"You should sit with us at lunch today." Sal equipped, his head tilted to the side as he talked to the taller boy in front of him.

"What? Uh — I think we're going a bit to fast here. I don't know about that, Sal. I think they'd appreciate it if I kept my distance.." Travis replied in a puzzle of emotions,

"It'll be fine, Trav. You trust me, don't you?" For some reason Travis felt his heart pound at the tone of his voice, he felt himself become more anxious, hotter than usual, his hands fidgeted with themselves inside of his bagged sweatshirt.

The way he spoke had some type of hold on Travis, he tried ignoring this feeling the best he could. He knew it was wrong, it was a sin for these feelings towards a boy such as Sal, yet he would pray those feelings off at home.

"Yeah, yeah. I do.." Travis replied hesitantly, not sure how to respond after that train wreck of emotions he had just felt.

"Good. Then sit with us." Sal walked away after that, not leaving Travis a chance to respond with a no.

Travis let out a sigh once Sal's presence left his, leading on to go find the last person to make amends to; Ashley.

It was easy to find her, she had just walked into school, her scene outfit describing her clearly, her hair the longest in the school.

"Hey, Ashley." Travis spoke as he walked up to the girl, his voice was in a common voice; low, and calm.

"The fuck do you want?" She asked in an irritated mutter, watching as the boy walked beside her on her way to her locker.

"I need to talk to you. I'm wanting to apologize." That statement made Ash stop in her tracks, yearning the boy to keep talking; "Go on?" Her attention had quickly been caught.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you, and your friends. You didn't deserve it,, and I'm really sorry. I understand if you don't forgive me, I just needed to tell you that." It was hard for Travis to hold eye contact, he felt moments like these to be embarrassing.

"Did you apologize to all my other friends yet?" She asked curiously, wanting to see and expand her options here.

"Yes, I apologized to Todd and Larry yesterday, and Sal a couple years ago." He admitted, crossing his arms to avoid fidgeting.

She nodded, "I guess I can forgive you. You haven't done much to me, but I can't speak for my friends." Her arms were crossed, yet continuing to walk once she realized they were blocking the walkway.

Travis never really had a hatred for Ashley, he just hated how she always got in the way. Yet he always felt a type of anger when she hung around Sal alone, or when they got close. Again, it was a misunderstood feeling, a feeling he'll probably never figure out.

"I know, but thank you." He felt himself smile; he felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Also," Travis started again, "Sal invited me to eat lunch with you guys today, I just wanted to make sure you'd be okay with it." He spoke with hope, able to hold eye contact finally, after his nervousness finally died down.

"Yeah, Id be fine with it. Depending on how the others took your apology, i'd say their reactions would depend on that. But I gotta get to class, see you later, Phelps." Ashley waved softly as she walked away, Travis couldn't help but physically cringe at the mention of his last name, the remembrance of actually being related to his father disgusting him deeply.

As he waited throughout the day for lunch, he couldn't help but dread. He was dreading the awkwardness, the looks he was bound to get, and the anxiousness he would feel.

But, he tried putting that all aside and focused on other things as he walked through the cafeteria, over to Sal's table.

He noticed only Sal was there so far, the others had been waiting in line.

Travis took a seat beside the blue hair boy, now he was avoiding eye contact more than ever; "Hey, Travis!" Sal greeted enthusiastically, he was happy to have a new friend like Travis.

"Hey, Sal." Travis replied, fear filling his voice plainly.

"You okay? You sound upset.." Sal asked confusingly, worried for his feelings.

"Yeah, just, nervous, I guess. I'm not used to this, and I don't wanna make the whole thing awkward just because I'm here." Travis replied with his usual overthinking self, his leg bouncing like usual, not that he could help it.

"You're just overthinking it, Trav, I talked about it with Larry and Todd, they seemed okay with it. I didn't get to talk to Ash though." That made Travis feel a bit better, reassurance has always made him feel better, even though it's a rare thing for him.

"I talked about it with Ash earlier when I apologized, she said she'd be fine with it." Travis shrugged, finally feeling the tiniest bit of confidence to hold eye contact again.

"See? You're gonna be fine. And I'm happy with how you apologized to everyone, made sure to really talk to them, it shows me how much you really care. You're a good person, Travis, even if you don't realize it." Sal put a hand on the blondes shoulder, making his anxiousness reappear.

Travis slowly moved away from Sal's touch, the touch from another boy making him nervous, a weird feeling form in his throat, it felt wrong, very wrong.

The emotions he felt for Sal, for his voice, his touch, his looks, everything, made him feel so overwhelmed. He hated this feeling; it was a mix of love and hate, he knew he loved it all, but he hated how it made him feel. The feelings he felt were cursed, cursed feelings felt like a consequence from his new actions, he didn't know how to feel, he didn't know how to act to all the new attention.

"Uhm, thanks, Sal.. I really appreciate it." Travis smiled softly, looking ahead finally to see the other three approaching the table to join them.