Chasing Darkness

Chapter 16

I clenched my fists as the tears fell from my face. If Luke wanted me to move on then I would. I would move on from him like I did so long ago. I wasn't going to let him make me suffer again. This time I was going to end up happy. Not broken.

Mood: Peaches - New Heights
Midway: This song saved my life - Simple Plan

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After that I went straight home, not caring that school wasn't even remotely over. I wanted to just go home, crawl in bed, and never wake up...

-The next day-

I kept staring at the ceiling, not wanting to get out of bed.
I didn't want to have to leave the comfort of my room, because then I'd have to face reality. And reality was unbearable.

I throw on my lazy day outfit. ( see media ) and walked downstairs. As I make my way down I hear voices. One I recognized as my mother and the other.. No way.. It can't be. I quickly fly down the stares and comes face to face with Nicola ( will insert last name here when I come up with one XD ) I had meet her around the same time luke moved on from me. She had been my close companion for about a year and then she moved away to study aboard. I couldn't believe she was here.

Once again I felt tears start to fill my eyes as I squeak out.
"G-Good morning.."

Nicola and my mother both gave me a kind smile as they said almost in Union.
"Good evening.." My mother gave me a quick look before looking at Nicola.
"I'll leave you girls to talk, you have a lot of catching up to do. I'll be in the garden." She goes over to me and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and whispers to me.
"Be strong sweetie." And then she leaves.

As soon as she does I can't contain the tears any longer. I burst out into sobs and Nicola quickly rushes over to me and pulls me into a tight hug as she too starts to cry.

"I'm so sorry that so much is happening right now Rose.. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you." She mumbles more things I couldn't catch into the hem of my neck while she continues to hug me and sob.

Truthfully I was so tired of people saying sorry to me. I was tired of being tired! I didn't want anyone's pity. I don't need attention. I just want people to go back to treating me normally. Not like I'm some fragile piece of glass that will shatter with just the lightest touch.

God forbid you say something real to me because I'll shatter. But then again. I do think I'd shatter. I'm so confused and lost and just.. Clueless.

No.. Correction. I WAS lost. But now I've been found. Marcus found me. Even though he was a reason I was lost he came back and found me.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him.
I think I would have given up a long time ago if I hadn't meet him.
I was down, I was drowning and he came and he came and saved me.
Sometime I felt like I've known him forever, because of him and Nicola I'm actually close to my dad now, they encouraged me to talk to him again. They helped me break out my shell.

"Nicola...Thank you.." I whisper to her as a final tear rolls down my face and I pull away from her.

"Thank you? For what? I didn't do anything rose." She looked at me so confused and it caused me to finally let out a small laugh.

"You'll never know what it means to me what you did. You saved me and made me realize I'll never really be alone. You both saved me.." I gave her my biggest smile as she returned it realizing what I meant.

"I'll always be here Rose. I came down here as soon as I heard what happened and on the double when your mom called me yesterday telling me you seemed more distant. Like before.. You don't need to always put on a strong face rose. It's okay to cry. It's okay to show weakness every once and a while." This is why I loved her. She made me feel like it was okay to be myself. And she was right. Behind my smile my heart hurt a lot but now the pain is almost completely gone. Because even though I feel alone at times. I never will truly be alone.
Because I know out there somewhere.
Even if I don't feel it.
Someone cares about me 24/7.

After out little moment together Nicola and I went out to the park to catch up on old times. I explained to her the situation going on and she completely understood. Which didn't shock me at all. I felt at ease with Nicola. Just like I felt with Donny, Luke and Marcus.

I remember we all used to be great companions. But something changed. I guess we all changed. Because truthfully. I'm not the same girl I used to be. And neither is Nicola, the same goes for everyone.

After awhile I went home feeling like the weight of the world had finally been lifted off my shoulder. Nicola was going to be attending my school started tomorrow and I was so glad I had someone I could talk to again.

Now for sure I can say. I will be okay and this memory thing will no longer be an obstacle in my way.
I'm not going to ignore it or avoid it either. I am going to embrace it and learn to deal with it.

I am going to be okay. For sure.

Or I hoped so..

( omg so much is happening. I think I'm rushing everything.. Am I? Should I restart again..? )