Chasing Darkness

Chapter 23

Mood: When I'm gone - Eminem mash up

---------------------------------------------------
I wake up with a jolt, gasping for air.
My breathing slowly regulates back to normal as I look around my scenery..

I was in a navy blue room, it was filled with posters and games and I instantly knew I was not in my home.
But I was in a safe place, this was where'd Id come to when I needed help or just needed someone there for me.. This was Donnys home..

He saved me..
I clench my fists in anger,
Anger at myself for allowing him to save me.
I wish he had left me alone
I wish he had left me to wallow in my own self pity..

Donny knocks at the open door before fully entering.
" I was wondering when you'd wake up.. Never thought it's be at 2Am"

I just stay silent.. Stating straight ahead at his closer door, clenching the bed sheets with my hands.
"Why..?" I whispered out
"Why what?" I felt my skin boil. " Why did you save me!? Why couldn't you have left me alone! I don't need your pity." I turn and face him, venom in my eyes. " You knew he was doing this didn't you! You knew he was going to leave me again! You knew and yet you said nothing! Why? Why..? Just why..?" Screaming out at him I feel my eyes start to water, I will not allow myself to cry, not for him, not anymore.

We stay in silent for a good 5 minutes, I guess Donny was giving me the opportunity to calm myself down, this is what I hate about him, he knows exactly how to work with me, without even having to say anything.
" Rose.. I.. I didn't think he would that to you.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't." I drown in confusion. "What do you mean you couldn't? You couldn't or you didn't want to.." He shakes his head sighing. Frustration evident in his face, "I couldn't rose.. You.. You wouldn't understand."

"Then make me understand! I'm tired of being left with all these question!  I'm tired of feeling like the only true friend I have is the emptiness and darkness!"

-Mood: Payphone - Alex G acoustics cover -

I couldn't hide the tears any longer, no matter how hard I tried. It's just to so hard to accept the fact that everything I once had is gone.. I want to pretend this is all just a nightmare that I will soon wake up to, but I have to face he facts, this is reality, reality hurts, a lot.
In the mist of my tears, Donny comes over to me, sits on the bed then quickly pulls my into a tight hug as he runs his fingers through the back of hair.
"I'm sorry Rose.. I never thought you felt that way.. I'm so sorry, I'm here now though, please don't forget that, I'll always be here if you want to talk."

Hesitantly at first, I wrap my arms around him and just bury my head into his chest and let the tears fall. I just want an explanation, I'll leave him alone forever, but I just want to know why, why this always happens to me..? Why he choose her over me..? Am I not good enough? Is she prettier than I am? Or did he just never have feelings for me to begin with? Was it his parents? Was it his music career? Was it me..? Did I drive him away?

I'm in lightened by Donny behind here and just holding me and reassuring me that everything would be fine but.. It angers me that he knows and refuse to tell me the truth. I just need to know, to be able to get over this, to just move on and not care I want to know why. One way or another I'm going to find out the truth. Whether it be the easy way or the hard and painful way..
"I adore you Rose.. Please just trust me with this.. Please, I don't want you to hurt anymore.." He whispers into my ear as if I'm the most fragile thing in the world.
If you cared for me you'd tell me Donny..
I continue to let the tears fall silently as we sit there for a while, just taking in everything that's happened in the past 14 hours..