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★ { Maria } The Matchmaker

Reviewer: marshaa1306

Client: Prose36

Title/Cover - 7/10

The title is simple enough but apt for the story. A title doesn't need to be super fancy, a title like yours will do the job just fine. My one warning would be that quite a few other stories might also have this name. Just something to watch out for.

Your cover is quite unengaging. It doesn't look very polished. It's difficult to read your name at the bottom of it, and the image isn't anything special. I would contact a graphic designer to work on a more sleek-looking cover. They could give you a second opinion on what might look good for your cover.

Blurb - 6/10

Think of your blurb like the inside cover of a book. It should be a little summary of what is going to happen while not giving away too much information. It should also hook your readers in and make them want to read the rest of your story. A great way to do this is to ask questions to make your readers wonder about what your stories could hold. You ask one question in your blurb, which is good. Try to build on that. For your story, I would talk a bit about the matchmaker and then bring up main characters. Put your questions at the end of the blurb for maximum effect.

First few chapters/Exposition - 8/10

The first chapter is quite meaty with the amount of characters you introduce and the storyline you're setting up. Your character introductions were fine. There were a lot of them, but it wasn't unmanageable. I liked the introduction of the matchmaker in the first chapter. It sparked some curiosity, considering the matchmaker is clearly pivotal to your story.

The encounter with Varun seems awkward and forced just for the purpose of establishing him as Mahi's love interest. The situation also seems a bit far-fetched. The relationship between Varun and Mahi as well as her friends wasn't illustrated clearly, which contributed to how the scene between them wasn't very realistic. I would add a bit more background on the two of them to make their interaction more believable. Also, don't be afraid to let your readers inside of Mahi's head. Being more descriptive about her emotions early in the story helps with giving the reader a better understanding of the situation and relationships in play.

Your second chapter begins building intrigue about Mahi's past. She's been with someone awful, and it hasn't gone well for her. It seems like she is desperate to forget about the whole thing, but no one wants to let her. The pacing in this area of your story is wonderfully done. I dearly hope that Mahi's relationship with this mysterious boy is disclosed later in the story.

Plot - 19/20

The third chapter is simply the second chapter all over again from Aruna's perspective instead of Mahi's. You don't really need to do this, as we've already seen the events unfold. I advise picking up the storyline where the other character left off. Have Aruna pick up the story directly after Mahi instead of jumping back in time. If you'd like to include Aruna's perspective on past events, you can work it into the story through Aruna's thoughts and reflections. This keeps your readers engaged more.

In general, I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story from multiple perspectives. It added multiple layers to the plot. Relationships were unfolding for many different people, but the Matchmaker tied them all together to form a cohesive storyline.

I haven't read a story like this in a while. I was very intrigued with the shady dealings of the Matchmaker and how so many people easily got sucked into his schemes. I have a bad feeling that things are going to go south eventually, and I'm quite curious as to what exactly is going to happen.

Pace - 9/10

The pacing of your story is mostly on point. At times it seems to plod a little bit, and I would have liked to see greater contrast between the highs and lows of the plot.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 9/10

I spotted very few grammar and punctuation errors. This makes your story much easier to read and enjoy, as I didn't have to fight through an avalanche of grammatical mistakes to grasp the meaning of your story.

Sometimes your phrasing isn't very smooth, and you misuse words from time to time. Reading your work aloud or having someone read it to you helps spot clunky phrasing pretty quickly, and it also can weed out word misusages in some cases. If something sounds off, it probably is. Once you find which words sound weird, you can go about fixing them properly.

Characters - 14/15

I appreciate the subtle changes in tone from one character to the next. It helps characterize your narrators and is refreshing from chapter to chapter. Sometimes reading one tone for multiple characters can get stale, but you switch between tones well. Just be careful that the tones don't blend together as you add more characters' perspectives later on in the story.

Don't be afraid to add even more personality to your characters to help your readers relate to them. Adding quirks and highlighting certain personality traits can accomplish this. This can be done by letting the readers view more of your characters' emotions. You do a decent job of allowing us into your characters' heads. Try to take it to the next level by connecting those thoughts to emotions in order to make your characters more life-like. You can also include descriptions of body language to indirectly tell your readers what emotions the characters are feeling. For example, if a character's stomach twists, they're likely nervous or afraid. Or, if they wipe their sweaty palms on their clothes, they could be uncomfortable. Little things like that can show emotion without directly stating the emotion involved.

The relationships between characters are written realistically, and the misunderstandings that take place are wildly endearing. It's part of human nature to make mistakes and mess things up from time to time, and you capture that in your writing. Not everything is perfect, and sometimes the "happily ever after" is out of reach or different than intended.

Overall Enjoyment - 14/15

This was a pleasant story to read. I was engaged in the storyline and found myself growing attached to your characters. The majority of improvements that could be made lie in the first impressions of your story, including the title, blurb, and exposition. Otherwise, this was a solidly-written story. I encourage you to make a few changes and build upon what you're doing well. Thanks for submitting your story, and keep on writing!

Total Score: 86/100