Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { Yasmin } Out of the Shadows

Client: GregsRawWriting

Reviewer: Owls1221

Title: 8.5/10

The title is interesting, could imply certain meanings and themes behind it.

Cover: 7.5/10

The cover is nice and simple, but I wouldn't say it's the type that grips the readers' attention as it's just a picture of someone with the title on it.

Summary: 6/10

The summary had good bits. But for the most part it's long and detailed with information that I think we're supposed to figure it out on our own as we follow the narrative. Well, they're not secrets to be precise but still, it's preferable if you don't tell us directly what this boy is struggling with and what he wants to achieve.

It kind of feels like you've put the first chapter in the summary rather than, you know, writing a short and brief summary of what your story is about. There were also bits where you mentioned things but never elaborated further or never mentioned it again. The part where you mentioned his childhood best friend was confusing in terms of syntax and adding clarification? Same goes to the final bit about newfound knowledge, here it seems there's an issue with syntax and punctuation I think. It basically makes me ask "and?" everytime I read these sentences.

Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation: 8/10

There weren't too many errors with spelling, and the spelling that I'm referring to is the one revolving correct words for certain sentences or actions. For example in Chapter 2.1, you wrote "water off his nose". Here I think you meant to say "on his nose", otherwise it makes me think of the water that's coming out of his nose instead of sweat that's on his nose.

As for grammar, there were some errors with syntax and the usage of punctuations. The mistakes are similar to the ones I mentioned in the summary, in which you add sentences that seem/sound incomplete.

As for punctuation, I noticed that you used a lot of commas in your writing, try to lessen these. And for commas in dialogue, try to uncapitalise the next word whenever you add a comma before it, even if the character is continuing their speech. Like this:

X incorrect X:

"He was the one who started this," he continued, "And besides, I was minding my own business!"

O correct O:

"He was the one who started this," he continued, "and besides, I was minding my own business!"

Do this with ellipsis as well. I noticed that you sometimes start dialogue with ellipsis and keep the first letters small. And the fact you spaced each dot. As I said in the previous review with "Ballad of Falling Light", ellipsis is usually put at the end of the word or sentence when you write in English. They should be used like this:

X incorrect X:

She stood there blinking at him ". . . are you sure you were minding your own business? Fred?"

O correct O:

She stood there blinking at him "Fred... Are you sure you were minding your own business?"

Other than that, I still understood what was happening in the story.

Vocabulary: 9/10

The words were excellent except for minor repetitions, but they didn't affect much.

Hook: 8.5/10

Some of the events in the book hooked me but not very much. Well, it made me root with the character instead and make comments along the way like "I'm sorry Kori, but you deserve better than Gina" and "what?! They stole Kori's saps and claimed them as their own work– This is outrageous!".