Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { June } Off Limits

Client: _hey_its_grace

Reviewer: june_berrin

Chapters reviewed: 3

❥ Title/Cover: The title is perfect and is well-suited for your story. It draws attention and curiosity. I like the new cover. It seems to really fit in with the title. I love the darkness and boldness of it; the color scheme and elemental placements are also great! I recommend removing the black shadowing thing at the border of the cover; it makes your cover seem a bit weird. Good work here!

❥ Blurb: The blurb is the one that would instantly entice the reader to turn the page. It is short yet attractive. It also perfectly explains the title and sets the premise of the story. It feels mysterious and gives out just the right amount of the plot—not too much or too little. And the way it is written is pronounced. However, some of the sentences are structured quite weirdly, and they can be edited to a better version. While most are grammatically correct, the sentences seem mediocore, and the readers might think that's your style of writing. I suggest that you use a theasure and tie together a bit more fancier words to actually invoke the emotions the blurb is trying to convey.

❥ Storyline: There isn't much to say about the storyline considering only three chapters have been posted. But so far, it has been written well. I am intrigued by the whole mystery surrounding Marcus and Sebastian. And your writing style is great and maintains a steady pace. I would recommend using metaphors and imagery so that they can aid you in building emotions like suspense, fear, etc.

I have also noticed the lack of world-building; the characters seem to exist in some sort of void at the moment. But considering only three chapters have been posted, I hope you build it with the next one. I can see that you have already moved on to the plot, and the story is beginning to feel interesting after the second chapter, so keep it up.

I am actually kind of intrigued to see how you will play out the plot. Like, if Jade was just the girlfriend of Sebastian, I think it would have been much easier if she switched to Marc. But here she is literally married, and as someone who believes in the scarcity of marriage, I really want to know how you are going to implement it without making Jade and Marcus seem like cheaters or unethical characters.

❥ Characters: Jade seems to be a realistic character. I like how bold and proud of a character she is. Her personality is very distinguished and stands out very well. I can't say much about Sebastian. So far he seems nice and jealous, but I don't like the way he laughs when his mother badmouths Jade. And the way Jade reacted to it it realistic of her character. She is very fleshed out and already has a very strong narrative voice.

Marcus seems to be a really smart and dangerous guy involved in some sort of mafia-like business. Given that his backstory also highlights a lot of his qualities and his relationship dynamics with his family. I find him someone who has an appreciative sort of humour and I love how interacts with others.

Rebecca seems to be a terrifying mother, and the way she is already scheming to get Jade replaced speaks volumes about her behavior. And it's good that Jade is self-aware of it and most likely will strictly oppose it. Rebecca is like those mothers who are very controlling and go as far as disregarding and disrespecting their son's wishes. The way she was introduced to the plots was just perfect! We are given small bits of her character through both main characters POV, and you have managed to settle an opinion of her even before her grand entrance, which further solidified it.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: The vocabulary used here is plain; there isn't much clever word usage, but it is coherent for the reader. I recommend reading the books of other successful writers so that you can elevate your own writing and gain good insight into it.

So far, the grammar is good and there aren't any noticeable errors spotted, so keep it up!

❥ Reader's enjoyment: It is a very enjoyable story, plus the plot is quite a tricky one to pull off. As a reader, if I were to guess that the most obvious could be the sequence of the story, then it would be the newest model character introduced by Rebecca, who will be the main catalyst for it. But still, it is really enticing, and with the way you have already mentioned it in the blurb,for the readers, it is like waiting for the shop to drop. Because we know something the characters don't. Really, good job!

❥ Conclusion: It is a good story with a unique and unusual plot. It has potential, and if you work on it more, I think it would really be a success. You need to work on your plot very well, as most of the time, such stories are the ones that are most in danger of plot holes. Make sure you have a clear-cut image of your characters personalities in order to avoid adding any scenes or making the character do something that would contradict their personality.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻