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★ { Ananas } The Lethal Heptagon

Reviewer: rebecca_batteur

Client: PeterDH2

Title:

The title, even for someone who has never read the story, sounds very good. It reminds me a lot of the term pentacle or pentagram, symbols used for satanic invocations and rituals, and this is also partly how the title is used. A heptagon is left on the bodies of their victims, like Allegra. This title also seems appropriate given that it is the name of the organization that the main character fights against throughout the story. The main antagonist of the plot.

Cover:

The cover is truly sublime! The symbol used looks very good against the black background and perfectly recalls the title and this theme which seems more or less recurring of Satanism. I find it very original and I think it really attracts attention. The font chosen for the title is also very judicious and fits perfectly with the tone given to the story. Generally speaking, the setting is delivered, this story will be dark, scary and possibly linked to the occult and the Devil perhaps.

The symbol in the center of the black cover stands out very well, white in the middle of the darkness, and is highlighted by the sobriety of the entire cover. It almost looks like an eye that stares at those who look at it.

Blurb:

Regarding the summary, I would say that it is suitable, it is sufficient and gives the information necessary to understand the plot. I don't think it's bad since it doesn't have any glaring faults but it also doesn't really have a compelling factor that immediately makes you want to read the story.

I think its structure is intelligent. We begin by introducing the sect, then its victims before focusing on the main character and his link with this sect. However, there are a few errors that need to be corrected to improve clarity. These are not very significant errors and can be repaired very easily.

First, the second sentence of your paragraph does not have a conjugated verb. I think you should add an "is" before "making" to make things more direct and understandable.

Then, in the second sentence of the second paragraph, you should also add a conjugated verb to improve everything. "Others, indirect victims, are suffering and being tormented...". The tense used in the following sentence is also incorrect, it should be "happened" rather than "happens".

Finally, in the third paragraph, I think that adding the word "ever" before "since" would make the sentence more pleasant to read.

The rest seems grammatically error-free to me, although I think reinforcing this idea of ​​revenge would perhaps be beneficial and a little more captivating. However, I find it good to immediately state the final objective of the main character, this immediately gives him a context, a line to follow and a goal to achieve, while making the story more gripping given that we know everything immediately why the main character acts this way.

Plot:

The plot seems relatively coherent and I don't think I have any major complaints with it. I think she is interesting and has some secrets that may very well surprise the reader, although some elements are sometimes a little hard for me to believe.

I would say that the only parts that I find questionable are the relationship between Lucas and the police, especially Marc. I find it a little strange that, after having already illegally entered the police station the first time and having directly shown Marc that he had dangerous hacking abilities, the latter, upon finding him a second time in the toilet from the police, quickly accepts his excuse, of seeking revenge on the cult that killed his girlfriend. I'm not saying it's not possible but it's not necessarily very plausible. Even Lucas notices that the turnaround is quite sudden and surprising. Marc immediately trusts him and is ready to lead him to the confidential place he was trying to break into until now and he doesn't even seem to worry when Lucas manages to easily hack the door that usually required the fingerprint of a high-ranking officer.