Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { Corina } Hiraeth

Reviewer: Lady-of-ink

Client: impostor_1109

“Hiraeth” tells the story of Althea, a young woman who, after her parents were killed, starts a journey to avenge their deaths.

I'll start by saying that the title is very interesting. Unique and attractive, for sure. The description, however, doesn't have any of these qualities. Sure, the questions are interesting, but not enough. I think the readers would rather know a bit about the book before starting it. At least, I would. Moving on to the cover, it's good, although I'd suggest trying to remake it with a better quality. I also noticed that the author's name isn't on the cover, and I think you should change that. After all, the most important texts on the cover are the author and the title, maybe even a quote.

I've noticed that the first chapter (not a chapter actually) is a small preface. While I think it could be improved, it is a bit better than the description. I loved the quotes. They definitely helped me to understand a bit more about the book. We also get a glimpse of Althea in this preface. However, we only see a little of her. We do not understand what she will face in this story. I think it is very important to give a glimpse of the stakes in the description to captivate the reader even before the first chapter.

In the prologue, I noticed your writing style, and I can say I am impressed. The descriptions are very beautiful, and the choice of words is just amazing. I've noticed one mistake in the first piece of dialogue: “...you've lost, How will…”. “How” shouldn't be written with a capitalized h, as it has a comma before it, not a question mark. It is a small detail, but, given how beautifully written it is in the next part, I think it is important. The first chapter starts with the death of Althea's parents in a crash that she thinks was accidental only for a police officer to inform her that her parents were killed intentionally. I've seen the same mistake with a word starting with a capitalized letter even though the sentence did not end. However, it is nothing that a quick re-read can't fix.

From all I've read, the story doesn't seem very original. The protagonist's parents are killed, and he or she starts looking for revenge. However, I appreciate that the pain caused by her parents' deaths is still fresh. In some cases, the parents die when the protagonist is young, but they still keep thinking about revenge even from that young age. The pain being so fresh makes it very understandable why Althea decides to seek revenge herself instead of letting the police handle this.

Another thing I've noticed is how you decide to change the point of view in the middle of the chapter. If you started writing in the third person, then you should keep doing it. I know a lot of readers, myself included, find it very annoying when the author does something like that. I advise you to keep writing in the third person or simply change the first paragraphs to be in the first person.

Something I want to congratulate you on is your grammar, as well as your vocabulary. As I've said before, your choice of words is amazing and your style is very beautiful. I haven't seen any grammatical mistakes, which is something very good as a lot of mistakes can make the reader quit the book.

“Hiraeth” is a beautifully written story. There is no doubt there. However, it needs a bit of improvement, although quite a little. I think it is a story with a lot of potential that is worth being read.