Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { June } Fate of the Fae

CLIENT: AliKatMeow

REVIEWER: june_berrin

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

❥ Title/Cover: A well-designed cover that screams fantasy at the first glimpse of it. I like the colour scheme used and how all the elements are very well placed. The blue smoky effect added to the bottom further adds to the fantasy book cover effect. The title is great, giving the readers the gist of the storyline and the mythical creatures in play. It also suits the cover very well too; a great pair. The only issue is that I feel like the author's name is not very visible and is blended in with the background, I think making the font colour a bit lighter would do the trick.

❥ Blurb: I love the opening line of the blurb; it is attention-grabbing and further adds to the mysterious aura created by the cover and title. There are a few punctual errors, especially comma splices spotted in the blurb. I will have some pointed out in the grammar section of this review. Other than that, I love the character name reveal; there are such unique and rare names that are very suitable for a mythical creature, so perfect choice.

Your blurb sets the premise of the story without revealing too much or too little about the plot. Just the right amount is enough to entice a reader to turn the page. From first impressions, I feel like this is a heavy fantasy story with a dash of murder and crime.

❥ Storyline: The storyline feels very unique, and I might as well read the entire story at this point. The first chapter struck my interest; the words were very beautifully woven together. I like the way you described the movements of the characters, giving the readers a deeper insight into their personalities. The vivid descriptions and the imagery were magnificent; I could easily visualize the story and feel the emotions of the characters through the screen. You have also built your world very well; it felt very natural instead of having a truckload of information dumped on the reader's head.

❥ Writing Style: Your style of writing is top-tier and very professional. Each chapter seems to be very well done throughout and has filtered out any unwanted scenes. The good thesaurus was incorporated into the story very well, without breaking the flow of the story or hindering the coherency of your writing. You are good at building suspense and developing emotions through your writing. I also like the way you start each chapter with a single line of scenic description; it creates a mystifying aura to your story. The language that you have used here is suitable for a story in the fantasy genre. Overall, a well-planned and executed story!

❥ Characters: Apart from their introductions in the blurb, you have portrayed them well in the story, matching their personalities written in the blurb. You have incorporated the show-don't-tell method well into your story, through which you gave each character a distinguishable set of traits and actions unique to them. I especially adore the way you matched up their personalities to the behaviour usually expected from the creatures of their mythical ethnicity (not sure if that's a word, but I hope you get what I mean).

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: Your grammar is good, but there are a few errors present, especially in the blurb. Though they are mainly related to your punctuation, I will point some out here.

Original: Kellan Lemaire is tasked with solving the dead mage's murder, and a trail of clues lead him right back to the little shop owned by the fairy.

Edited: Kellan Lemaire is tasked with solving the dead mage's murder, and a trail of clues leads him right back to the little shop owned by the fairy.

Corrections: Here, Kellan Lemaire is just one person, so your verb needs to be singular.

Original: 'And he knows it's best to keep suspects close but he never expected to get that close to him.'

Edited: '...and knows it's best to keep suspects close, but he never expected to get that close to him.'

Corrections: Here, two independent clauses are joined by a conjunction, so you need to use a comma before the conjugation 'but.'

There are more, but I will stop here. I suggest using online grammar checkers like Grammarly or Quilbot for your aid.

Regarding your vocabulary, I have already commented on how well you have put it into use in the writing section. Overall, you need to work on the grammar part a bit more.

❥ Conclusion: I like the entire aesthetic of your story, with the way you numbered the chapters with the Roman number system, and some of your chapter names can be used as titles for other fantasy books; they are very creative and original. Other than that, you have a great talent for creating really good descriptions with clever word usage. I would recommend focusing on the little grammatical errors occurring here and there, which can easily be corrected by proofreading or using an editor.

Also, sorry for the delay in the review. I had my finals, so I couldn't get time for this. But it is a great read, and consider yourself having earned a new reader too.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, then I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻