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★ { June } The Salvador Legacy

CLIENT: bookishkirk

REVIEWER: june_berrin

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

It was a well-written story.

❥ Title/Cover: A lovely title. I think it suits the genre of the book very well. The cover of the book also looks great. But the pictures of the characters in the cover seem to be of different colour and quality. And I also feel like the element placements on the cover also seem a bit weird and out of place. I would consider placing the elements in a much more organised way. I think the problem is with the blond guy's face being cut in half or so. Play around with some ideas, and try to make each element's filter the same so they have unity rather than looking like a collage. Also, try to increase the size of the subtitle so that they are more readable; just a little is needed. The current cover matches the vibe the title gives off, so they look like a pair, which is great and enticing to the readers.

❥ Blurb: The blurb is great; even though it is short, it still flawlessly plays its part in gathering curiosity and intrigue in the readers' minds. But there is some editing required to perfect the grammar section, like when you forgot to add 'the' after 'between' in the first line of the second paragraph. Everything else seems to be just great!

❥ Storyline: Your first chapter seems to be too small; I suggest adding something more. Like some more moments? Try to incorporate more imagery into the story and a bit more background information. I love the subtle hints of her living circumstances put out using good humour. The second and third chapters were really well done too; you have maintained the quality of your writing very well. Since you have introduced the characters, the next step for you to take is worldbuilding. You need to focus more on worldbuilding so that it doesn't seem like the characters in the story exist in some sort of void. Even though there are a few signs of it, I think you need to work on it more. Also, you need to add more scenic descriptions to your story so that your readers can imagine it more vividly. Try using adjectives to aid in this.

❥ Writing style: Brilliant! Your writing style is top-notch, and I regret not having read it before. Honestly, I have a very broken sense of humour, but your words tore through me! The relatability and the way you phrased it made me rush for the next line. It was really hard to drop your book after that first chapter. You have a knack for tying together clever words and an exceptional talent for finding great and suitable metaphors.

❥ Characters: Your characters seem very well thought out and real. You have developed them in such a way that they could exist in real life. From the first chapter, I was amazed by the stark contrast of the MC's mood from in start and end of that chapter. The way you let her humour shine through and establish her personality and the mood of the story. Letting the readers adore her. She is the epitome of how the most funny people are the ones who grew up in an abusive or horrible environment. And I also like the portrayal of Max, Ace and McDreamy; they all seem great.

❥ Grammar and Vocabulary: This seems to be the area where you need to focus on. I have spotted grammatical and punctuational errors both in the story and in the blurb. Even if they are not much, I recommend proofreading your chapters or using Grammarly or Quilbot to assist you in getting them out.

So far, vocabulary seems to be your strongest point. And it doesn't diminish much as the chapters progress either, so keep it up.

❥ Conclusion: First off, your book is fun to read. Even though there are a bit of cliche and very obvious characters in the story, you seem to have handled it well. Such tropes are prevalent on Wattpad, so it is a bit hard to pull off in such a manner. You have managed it quite well, and your story reminds me a lot of inheritance games, just as some of the readers had pointed out. So, the points you need to work on are worldbuilding, cover, blurb, and grammar. That would be it. Sorry for the delay in the review. I had my finals, so I couldn't get time for this. But it is a great read, and consider yourself having earned a new reader too.

And lastly, if any of my words hurt you or if I have misinterpreted anything, then I sincerely apologize; that was never my intention. Remember that no author gets a beautiful, perfect draft the first time they write it; they edit it repeatedly the more they learn. So I hope you have had a great day.

Best Wishes🌻