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★ { Kailyn } Within the Mist

Client: ShadowWolfQueen-

Reviewer: Kailucy

Thank you for requesting!

Cover: 9/10

I love how the fonts glow. It adds to the vibes. The layering is cool. I do feel like the font and the blending could be better but other than that I think it looks alright.

Title: 9/10

I actually really like the title. It goes perfectly with the plot and isn't too long. It is something that would catch my eye.

Blurb: 8/10

Some of the sentences felt off and it wasn't really captivating in my opinion. Maybe try

Character: 8/10

I like that the character seems to be a really good person. Like the part where he wants to be there if he's to start a family with his wife. Aww I love that he doesn't want to potentially leave her to raise their child on her own. I really hope he doesn't die...

How old is he anyway?

The other soldiers seem to be great characters, and I'd love to learn more about them. They have an easy banter amongst each other which I love. If the sentence before wasn't enough of a hint, I would love to see more of them in the future and I know that there needs to be stakes but I hope they all live.

Plot: 18/20

The prologue was a great way to open. What a chapter! It introduced some characters and the mysterious mist, and explained the significance of the wolf on the cover. The chapter had horrifying elements which made me want more. (Some of the plot actually reminds me a bit of another book I read but obvious y there are many differences.) The paragraph where the man came out of nowhere (or seemingly did) was terrifying and stood out. Don't get me started on when the mist took him. Shivers.

I didn't take anymore chapter specific notes.

The plot is consistently paced and I like that you're taking the time to add layers to the world. Although it does seem a bit underdeveloped at the moment but it's still early in the book.

The letter from King Zara was a perfect way to get the plot moving.

Overall, the plot is engaging and fun to read.

Writing Style: 17/20

For the most part your style is good. Easy to follow along and it fits the genre and plot. There are a few issues however, mostly with redundancy and dialogue. That's not to say the dialogue is bad, some of it was good, or even great, but there were a few instances where it seemed a bit much.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 7/10

There were quite a few errors. I didn't get all of them written down but I did get something. I'll write the part leading up to the error and bold the error with the correct spelling so it's easier to find.

"I asked everyone on my vicinity to pause for a moment. Everyone gathered to a HALT."

That sentence also reads kinda off.

"I climbed on her back and nickered for her while pulling on her REINS..."

And a few words that don't need to be capitalized in the middle of the sentence, "bandit(s), king, (some exceptions) knight(s), battle, kingdom. There might have been more but these appeared the most.

Other issues were inconsistency, redundancy, random tense changes, random capitalizations, and confusing sentences.

There some more

Enjoyment: 9/10

I did enjoy this quite a bit. The horror/mystery aspects of it got my attention and I'd love to continue when I have time.

Overall: 85/100

Overall, you have a wonderful start. There were some issues (which I pointed out) but there are also many strong points. The plot was engaging and the characters are interesting. Keep writing!