Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { June } SELENOPHILE

Reviewer: june_berrin

Client: sarangneh

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review your story.

It was a great story, and I enjoyed it.

❥ Title/Cover: This is a beautiful cover and I love the colour scheme used, very suited to the title and sets the mood. But regarding the font, I don't think it is very visible, especially with the white outlining and some of the elements overlapping it. So I recommend that you use a different font or remove the white border and the elements covering it or make the title colour bolder so that it stands out, in a good way. I love the title and the meaning behind it makes the story seem interesting and mysterious.

❥ Blurb: I have nothing much to say in this part as there wasn't much content in the blurb. I recommend that you elaborate a bit more because your cover and title don't give a signal to the reader as to which genre or what kind of story is it, and the blurb also seeming mysterious would only chase away the reader. So I suggest that you write some more, maybe elaborate your lines, give the names of your characters and maybe add one or two parts from your story in the blurb or even a quote so that your blurb seems interesting and will entice the reader to read your story. But if you wish to keep it the same way then it is understandable as you are the author, then I would recommend making the blurb seem more poetic or have a rhyming scheme between the lines, otherwise, it would feel a bit confusing, especially the third line. So maybe rewrite the sentences or rearrange the lines or anything that would make it all seem like it is meant to be together and is part of a group.

Also, good job with the warning, I see that many authors tend to miss it but you have managed to stay out of it. Great job!

❥ Storyline: I love how the first chapter began, immediately giving reference to the title and setting down the mood. But I personally think the first line seems a bit weird to read. While it is grammatically correct, the sentence doesn't seem to give out the desired effect, maybe try rephrasing the sentences or using a better word replacement? The next issue I noticed is that the sentences are very long, making them seem muddled and confusing. Consider breaking it down into smaller sentences, which I think would help the sentences give out their meaning without getting mixed up with each other.

Reading along, there is beautiful imagery and I love how you wrote down the character's thoughts, giving us a small insight into what kind of person she is. The thesaurus used is perfect. That is not too much or too little, with a perfect balance in the middle and can use better common word replacements without disrupting the flow of the story or contradicting the meaning of the context. However, the way some of the sentences are structured could have been better, as the concept behind each sentence is very beautiful and has great potential if expressed well. I also feel like some of the sentences could have a poetic semblance to them, to make it feel more enticing to read. Also, try adding dialogue tags at the end of each dialogue, maybe a bit of action by the characters so that we get to be more familiar with them.

❥ Content: I would recommend increasing the chapter lengths, as some of it feels too small to be counted as one, especially the first chapter. This could be done by adding more details and merging chapters or so. Other than that, I love the lines you chose to end each chapter with, it acts a bit like a cliffhanger and is very effective in getting the readers to turn the pages, so good job on that.

❥ Characters: The characters are great with a bit of a cliche touch to them. The character dynamics between the parents and the MC reminds me of characters in comedy movies. But still, I think you need to give them a bit more detail so that they are more memorable and will stand out. But I love the connection you made with naming the MC Selene and how she also has a bond with the moon and how the story name is also in the same quota, it made it all feel very interconnected and I absolutely adore that detail in your story. Other than that, the character portrayal has room for improvement but it is still very good.