Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

★ { Yasmin } A Ballad of Falling Light

Client: XxFaylinexX

Reviewer: Owls1221

Title: 9.5/10

It is an interesting title. At first I thought it was going to involve some romance since you said 'ballad' after I looked up the word to learn its meaning. Of course the word has another definition which is the one involving a story being narrated in stanzas. So with that I thought the title was epic in some way. I think it will definitely attract those who are into high epic fantasy.

Cover: 8/10

The cover is good and simple. However, I will still suggest some changes for it. In terms of the main title, you should use a font that isn't transparent. It might be clear to read on a laptop screen but if it was read on a phone, it'll be a bit difficult to read; that's because the outlines of the font are a bit thin and are slowly blended with the background colour. The subtitle is a perfect example for that, maybe you should do the same with the main title so it can be clearer to read.

Summary: 9/10

The summary was brilliant because it was a bit different in terms of how you introduced the plot. You first showed us what seems to be the intimidating villains, then showed us what happened and what will happen as these villains approach. Giving us the sense of intensity but also curiosity to know more. Next you introduce us to the main character and what he plans to do, along with other potential characters who will join the fight. To me, it's giving that D&D vibe but in a world inspired by the Roman Empire, which is fascinating honestly. I'm not sure about what other people might think about D&D fantasy stories but to me, I never get bored of it. The blurb was interesting enough so keep it going.

Although, I'm confused about one small thing in particular. It's about the dialogue you added on the top of the summary. I'm not sure whether the person who said this was asking or just stating. When you mentioned 'hold on' I expected the sentence to be a question but I didn't see a question mark.

You see, when someone says 'hold on' it usually means someone is telling a person to wait and elaborate on something. Just like 'hold on a second' or 'hold it right there' etc. Or you could imply this from a different angle, say for example a person tells another to 'hold on tight' or 'hold on to this' or 'keep holding on' etc. either on something literal or metaphorical. Maybe tweak this dialogue a bit and make it clear on whether it's a question or a statement by using what you see necessary. But overall, it's still a brilliant summary.

Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation: 8/10

Well, despite the majority of your writing being great, clear, and understood, I must point out there were some errors that I stumbled upon and they affected my reading in some way or another.

I noticed that throughout the book the syntax was a little bit weird in certain paragraphs and scenes. The arrangement of words was the most dominant in most chapters. Here are a few examples I noted down:

Rearrange:

Prologue:

"This wasn't perfectly clear..."

"she had more frequently used..."

"While she sounded practiced..."

Ch.3:

"the air was different so high in the mountains..."

Ch.4:

"someone escape who has information..."

These have affected my reading by getting myself distracted by the arrangement of these words. As I mentioned at the top of the examples, try rearranging these words in the appropriate order so not only does it follow the grammatical rules, but also helps the sentences be a lot clearer and less confusing. I suggest using Grammarly to help you proofread and check if there are any errors, including if the syntax was incorrect.