The Music of the Night

Chapter 16

After we left the sound stage, Gerard took me to our usual hideout, closing the door behind us. I sat down in the corner and put my face in my hands. The anxiety was really refusing to go away this time, and it was slowly consuming me. 

Gerard took off his gloves, then kneeled in front of me. "Hey," he said softly, putting a warm hand on my arm. "Look at me, darling."

I shook my head. I did not want him to see me in such a state. My anxiety was my biggest weakness, and it would turn me into someone completely different.

"It's okay, Ellie," he cooed. "We're alone now. You don't need to be scared."

My voice was muffled, but that didn't stop me as I said, "Go away."

"What?" Gerard asked, leaning closer.

Then, I snapped like a twig.

"Go away!" I yelled, launching up and pushing him aside. "Leave me alone!"

He stood there like he had gotten hit by a truck, his expression taken aback. I hated myself for acting like this in front of him, but it truly felt like I had taken a backseat to my emotions, so I did nothing as I exclaimed, "Are you deaf? Don't just stand there! Leave!"

Gerard's mouth gaped open a bit, and my heart silently broke in my chest while my body remained fierce. When he found his words, he said quietly, "I'm sorry. I'll leave you be."

He turned towards the door, but he gave me another pleading glance to let him stay. I glared at him with ice-cold eyes, my other self completely locked away from reality.

Like a wounded animal, Gerard opened the door and ducked out, closing it firmly behind him. Once he was gone, all the fight left me in a heap, and I fell to the floor, sobbing.

What had I done?

The sun creeped onto my face, draping warmth over my skin. My eyes slowly fluttered open, and I was met with shear brightness. 

Shielding my face, I propped myself up on my elbows and looked around. I was laying on the ground, and white-colored walls greeted me in return. I rubbed my eyes, feeling like I had had a terrible nightmare. But my heart stopped in my chest when I realized what had happened.

I had broken completely, unleashing the beast of my anxiety at Gerard without mercy. Oh God, I thought, horrified. What did you do?

I hopped off of the floor and rushed out the door. The air was cold and brittle, sending chills through me from head-to-toe. It was early morning, so there weren't a lot of people around yet, but the few who were there looked at me strangely as I ran past them to the sound stage.

I burst through the doors and frantically searched for Gerard, but nobody was there. The silence was so deafening that my heart capsized in my chest, and I wanted to cry all over again. But I wasn't going to stop. I had to find him and explain my actions.

What good would it do, though? He probably thought I was a freak and that he didn't want to be anywhere near me. Who could blame him?

I shook off the thoughts and continued to look. A few of the camera crew were around, but not the person I wanted. I groaned tiredly and went outside, wrapping my arms around myself because of the cold.

As if the gods were laughing at me, Charlotte appeared a few feet away. Where did you come from? I thought with a bewildered expression.

Her blond hair was tied up in a ponytail, and she was wearing a tank top that short enough for her toned stomach to show. She wore black leggings that fit her legs perfectly, and I suddenly felt so dull next to her beauty. Was she trying to rub it in my face? Probably.

I tried to walk past her as quickly as possible, but, of course, Charlotte spotted me and called out, "Where're we going in such a rush, Parker?"

I ignored her and headed back to our hideout. I know I had already looked there, but enough time had passed, so I thought maybe I would luck out. It didn't matter, though. 

He wouldn't want to see me.

I ran inside and observed my surroundings, trying to find a sign that he was there, but I came up short once again. Defeated, I slumped down against the wall and curled up tightly, feeling like the worst person in the world. 

I hated to admit it, but Charlotte was right. How could Gerard ever love someone like me? A broken, messed-up girl with major emotional issues did not sound like the right choice to me.

I sat there crying for at least a few minutes, my body more drained than it had ever been before. But all of a sudden, I heard high heels approaching my way, and I glanced up to find Emmy looking at me, worried.

"Ellie?" she gasped, kneeling down beside me. "Oh my God. What happened?"

I fell silent and said nothing, my tears still staining my face. 

Emmy's long, graceful hand came up to brush my hair back, and she asked, "Are you looking for Gerard?"

I hesitated a moment, but then I nodded. He may not be happy to see me, but I had to say something, no matter how much he hated me.

Being the angel she was, Emmy helped me up and walked me to wherever Gerard was, and I felt my body begin to shake as I feared the worst.

He would never forgive me for such an act of anger, and I steeled myself for what would be the most painful rejection I could ever receive in my lifetime.