Communication - Hayley Williams

Teething on a shotgun - chapter 13.

„I'm going through a divorce" Hayley said with unshed tears in her eyes.

I felt a lump in my throat. I opened my mouth to say something but no words came out. I was just staring at her. My hand let go of hers slowly. I just stared in front of me, a blank impression on my face. I felt my face get hot as anger filled my body. I wasn't mad at her, I was angry about the whole situation.

And the fact the she kept it as a secret for so long! The fact that everyone kept it as a secret. It was an unbearable feeling.

I felt Hayley's eyes burn a hole to my face.

„Please... just say something" she whispered moving a little bit away from me, giving me space.

I just shook my head in disbelief.

„Why now Hayley? Why couldn't you tell it earlier?" Was all I could muster. I felt betrayed.

„I-I didn't know how to" she whispered and buried her face into her hands. She was crying again.

I couldn't look at her. I needed to get away from her a little bit. I needed space.

I silently stood up. She followed my moves with her eyes carefully.

„I think I need a little space" was all I said before I went to my bunk.

The last thing I saw is how she closed her eyes in defeat. She just nodded. Tears kept spilling from her eyes.

I pulled the curtain and tried to calm down. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and it seemed like they would never stop. I could hear her sniffling from the couch.

But now I couldn't console her. I wasn't strong enough. My mind went wandering to the phone calls she'd had. Chad.

I pulled the cover over my head and bawled my eyes out. After a while her sniffles went quiet. But I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning but I wasn't able to get any sleep.

A while later I heard steps. I was sure it was either Zac or Taylor.  He stopped after a couple of steps, must've seen Hayley. Then he stopped right by my bunk and sighed. Then went to the kitchen.

I took a deep breath. I wasn't crying anymore. I just felt numb.

I heard him messing with the coffee machine. It was definitely Taylor.
And I needed coffee badly.

I reluctantly got up, not even trying to cover up my state. I went to the kitchen. Taylor took in my presence and frowned lightly.

He immediately grabbed another cup and poured me some coffee. We sat down to the table and none of us said a word for minutes. We were just drinking our coffee.

„Thanks for the coffee" I said, my voice sounded hoarse from all the crying and lack of sleep.

„Of course" he said, giving me a weak smile.

For the first time, my eyes wandered to the couch. Hayley was asleep, tangled into the blanket. Her head was where I was sitting before everything went south. I sighed.

„Did she... tell you?" Taylor said as he took another sip of his coffee.

„Yeah" I said staring blankly at my cup.

„I just wish she would've told me sooner, you know?" I said feeling numbness in my heart.

„I'm sure she was just afraid of how you would react. I mean, I haven't seen her this happy in ages. When you are with her... she is like.. like herself. We haven't seen her like that for months. Man, years even" he said as he took another sip.