a glimmer of hope

25.

Season 5 x 10
New Normal

2 hours ago
"fuck you cassandra"
"yeah, fuck you too, kory" i sighed, carrying the last box of mine out of the house.
"go take your daddy issues some place else"
i turned around, blankly looking at him as he smirked at me.
"kory, i really hope you find someone who loves you, marries you and gives you children"
"and i'm sorry that this couldn't work out"
"but you grew up with two happily married parents who loved each other in a big white house near the water with their four perfect, successful children and a big dog"
"so you don't get to fucking stand there and say that to me"
"because you don't know how it fucking feels to have your dad walk out when you were a baby"
"leaving my mom to raise two young children and two babies on her own"
"then to have your dad come back begging for money just for him to kill him self later on"
"i'm sorry for what i've done to you"
i shook my head "just don't do that"
i put the box in the passengers seat of my car. then, drove off.

two days and my nausea had gotten ten times worse.
i felt so sick.
while i was still puking every morning, the only thing i felt better about was that i moved out with kory.
now, i was on the way to a hotel. all my boxes were put into storage, my clothes went in a suitcase.
i pulled at the side of the road when i got a call on my phone. i took it out from my purse and raised my eyebrow at the unfamiliar number.
"hello?" i asked, answering it anyway.
"cassandra, it's carrie"
"carrie, right" i sighed, i hadn't heard from her since she left quinn and i.
"are you in the U.S?"
"yeah"
"it's a lot to ask but is it possible for me to fly you out to berlin again?"
i shook my head "i don't know about that"
"cassandra, we need information on peter quinn"
"why's that?"
"you were seen the last with him"
"you mean you haven't heard from him since you left us?"
"right?" she said in a confused tone.
"there's a lot of missing information right now-"
"i thought you knew where he was"
"no"
"have you heard from him recently?"
"three days ago"
"cassandra, can you please hop on that plane for me?"

now
i was three hours into my flight.
it felt weird going back to berlin but something about that call earlier didn't feel right.
my phone rang again.
"it's carrie" the voice said
"i'm about three hours in-"
"cassandra, i need information now"
i ran my hand through my hair.
"will someone tell me what's happening?"
"we're trying to look for quinn"
"so, you found him after he left the garage?"
"yeah"
"where?"
"he was trying to kill himself about three blocks from the building" i quietly said, the lady next to me was probably freaked out.
"it was by water"
"but he was alive?"
"yeah" i sighed
"i helped him up, offered him pain medication but then this man approached us"
"a man?"
"yeah"
"said something about his presence being a sign from god"
"quinn started running away after the man offered to take him to a hospital but then he collapsed"
"that's when the man, who ended up being a doctor, took him to his apartment and fixed him up"
"we stayed there for a few days until he got better"
"you said you talked to him three days ago, do you know where he was?"
"he was heading to syria"
"some place near albania he told me"
i shook my head "kosovo or something"
"he made it sound like one of you knew about this?"
"he told you that?"
"he was meeting with someone from the agency before he left"
"thank you, cassandra"
"carrie"
"yeah?"
"is quinn okay?"
she paused
"we'll fill you in when you arrive"
then, she hung up.
we'll fill you in when you arrive
what the hell was that supposed to mean? obviously it wasn't supposed to mean anything good.
i let out a sigh, leaning my head on the back of the seat.
"you heading to berlin for business?" the lady next to me asked.
"personal matters" i smiled
"for a good friend of mine"
———
i landed in berlin and stopped to get my bag in baggage claim.
the news was on a tv above the carousel and a crowd of people were watching it. something about a terrorist.
i pushed my way through the group of people, lifting my suitcase off the carousel. 
although, when i looked up at the tv, i saw a figure.
i stepped closer to it, moving another man out of my way.
when i saw what was on the tv, my stomach dropped and i immediately started shaking.
"fuck" i whispered.
i rolled my suitcase against the tile flooring and reached for my phone.
tears started slipping out of my eyes.
"cassandra?"
"carrie, am i losing my mind or did i see quinn getting killed on the news?"
"are you in berlin?"
"answer my fucking question" i said, my pace quickening.
"yes, cassandra"
"there's a car for you outside of terminal one"
"get into it and we'll try to fix this"
i hung up my phone, walking quickly over to that side of the airport.
fix this?
peter quinn is fucking dead and it's all over the television.
it's everywhere. i turned my head and everywhere i looked, i saw quinn on the news.
i couldn't hear anything but the sound of my shaking breath.
i couldn't see anything since tears filled my eyes.
i blinked, and they fell out, soaking on my shirt.
quinn can't be dead. he always finds a way out.
——
"cassandra, i know this is really hard for you right now but in order to find quinn, we need information" carrie said, sitting me down at a large table.
for the past twenty minutes i've been here, i've sat in silence. i don't know what i'd even think of saying.
"this is astrid, another coworker of peters"
"where was this apartment that quinn and you went to?" she asked
"it was about six blocks away from the garage we were at"
"walking distance atleast" i said, looking up at her.
"big red brick buildings"
"it was just you two and the doctor?" carrie said
i shook my head
"downstairs was this family or something"
"nephews, cousins, brothers"
astrid raised an eyebrow.
"i had to leave because of this one man"
i shook my head again "it wasn't safe"
"wasnt safe?" carrie asked
"i think that they all were involved with something, especially that one guy"
i shook my head, closing my eyes "his name was abul?"
"a tall bald man"
"but i came back about a day later to help quinn because that man left"
"abdul?"
"yeah"
"left, where?" carrie asked, tilting her head.
"dead"
"i'll be right back" carrie nodded, walking out of the room.
i looked down at my lap and back up at astrid.
"i knew something bad was going to happen" i sighed
"why's that?"
i shook my head "the last thing quinn said to me was that if anything went wrong that he wanted me to know that i loved him"
"i told him peter quinn always finds a way out of things"
astrid nodded her head.
"yes, he does" she smiled
"he never does something he doesn't want to"
"and he usually gets his way"
"he left with the people in the apartment?" she asked
"yeah"
"it was either help them get into syria or get killed right there"
"that's why i left back to philadelphia"
"quinn said it wouldn't be safe for me if i stay"
"and, of course he went with them"
"usually he knows what he's getting himself into"
"obviously not this time" i shrugged
———
one hour later and i was in the back of astrid's car.
we drove around berlin looking for the apartments quinn and i were at. before we could get a chance, carrie got a call, an address of where quinn may be. there was teams of people working to find him. a man named saul berenson, quinn talked about him before, he asked me to identify two pictures of the men who were in the apartment. i guess, they found them.
sooner or later we pulled up to a large white building. looked abandoned of sorts and creepy to say the least.
"cassandra, you need to stay in here" carrie said, opening her car door.
"okay" i nodded
"we'll notify you if we find anything" astrid smiled
they both got out of the car and pulled out their guns.
i sat back. this was one of the first times i had been able to think. for the last few hours, i had been in shock. now, i didn't even know what to think about.
i laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes.
on the news, quinn didn't get shot, he wasn't hung, he was in a gas chamber. there's no way anyone can come back from that, not even peter quinn. if he was in there, there's no way the was okay.
no more than ten minutes later, astrid came around the car, she had tears in her eyes.
"peter quinn is alive" she said
"an abundance is on the way" she added, smiling.
———
i sat next to quinn's gurney, he was attached to a ventilator, still he was alive.
when they brought him in, he looked so lifeless. much more than when he was shot.
i looked at his face and his body. he had been through so much the past couple weeks. i couldn't help but feel bad for him.
horrible for that matter.
from the moment i left berlin, i felt so guilty. the moment i had to talk him off a ledge was the moment i realized he couldn't die. we needed each other in a way. maybe we were even meant to be.
i turned my head.
carrie came into the room and pulled up a chair next to me.
"do you mind?" she asked
i let go from one of quinn's hands and wiped a tear away from my face.
"not at all" i nodded
the only thing next to do is wait. this is now one big waiting game to see if there's any brain damage. to see if he'll even eventually wake up. i guess, for the next while this is going to be my new life, my new normal.
and for the first time in awhile, i held onto peters hands again, praying.

a/n: god, i know. my day today was really bad and this part just made it worse. regardless, i hope you're enjoying this fic. really soon, we'll be entering into the second part of it. i'm very excited for everyone to see what is to come next.. and, pretty soon we'll be done (probably in a month!) all i can think of is poor quinn.. we love him. i hope you enjoy your weekend, and maybe even catch the eclipse on monday !!