a glimmer of hope

26.

Season 5 x 11
Our Man in Damascus

"i'm sorry i left you and quinn that day in the safe house"
i sat by quinn's hospital bed. that's where i've been lately. i didn't want to leave his side just in case something changed. carrie and saul came and went. i think carrie felt bad.
"it was more your boyfriends fault if anything" i whispered.
she raised an eyebrow
"i went to go find some pain meds and when i got back quinn was gone"
i shook my head "your boyfriend threatened to call an ambulance and quinn bolted"
"god" carrie scoffed
i stood up, off the chair.
"will you excuse me for a minute?" i asked
she nodded her head "sure"
i stepped outside the room and walked back and fourth through the halls, leaning over a garbage can.
nothing came out, just dry heaving.
carrie stood at the other end of the hallway.
"you okay?" she asked
i stood up straight.
"yeah" i smiled, walking closer to her.
"you're stressed out, huh?"
"that and i'm pregnant" i nodded
she stopped in the doorway of peters room.
i looked down at my feet
"does quinn know?"
then, i looked back up at her.
"yeah, he does"
she sat down, so did i.
"so, you've been together for awhile?"
"i guess"
"it's been really complicated"
"i get that" she nodded
"my morning sickness was terrible"
"and my daughters father is dead"
she tilted her head "watched him get executed"
"god, i'm sorry" i said, raising my eyebrows.
"we're almost in the same position" she whispered.
i looked at quinn.
"i have faith in him still"
"we all do"
"the agency booked a hotel room for you, you should go get some rest"
i shook my head "i really don't want to leave him"
"saul and i are gonna be here, we can call you if anything changes"
"at least change your clothes or eat something" she smiled
i paused
"call me, okay?"
"i will, cassandra"
——
quinn was in respiratory failure he was hypoxic which caused him to go into a coma. the only reason why he was alive was because someone gave him atropine before he was in the chamber. i didn't really want to think why someone would do this to him.
i stood in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing my hair. i looked dishevelled.
although, i closed the door to the hotel room.
carrie called me five minutes ago saying that they wanted to do an MRI on quinn to see if they'd be able to take him off the ventilator for awhile.
i knew that wasn't a good idea.
that could cause seizures, brain damage, it's dangerous. really dangerous.
i walked up the flights of the stairs and into quinn's room.
"MRI is clear to go forth"
"wait" i said
"this is dangerous"
i waved my hand in the air "he could have a seizure, easily go back into respiratory arrest"
"cassandra" carrie said
"the doctor is right there to put him back on the ventilator" she added
"carrie, cassandra has a point" saul said
"he might not even say anything to you"
"we don't know until we try" she smiled
"we need this for the mission" she added
for the fucking mission?
"quinn is the only one who knows where these people are going next"
i ran my hand through my hair
"you're his wife?" the doctor asked
"no" carrie said
saul stood beside me
"just wait" he said
"colonel, push the meds" carrie sighed
i knew this wasn't a good idea.
i took a deep breath.
"we're ready anytime" the doctor said
carrie nodded her head,
"are we sure about this, carrie?"saul said.
he stood down at the edge of the bed, looking at his feet.
i stood beside quinn's gurney.
carrie nodded again.
they took him off the ventilator and onto the o2 mask.
"is the medication started?"
the nurse nodded "8 micro drip"
"it'll work immediately"
"quinn, it's carrie"
"cassandra's here with you"
i stroked his face
"we need you to open your eyes"
after a few moments, he eventually did.
"quinn" i smiled
he opened his mouth to say something
"there's a major attack going on in berlin"
"where are they, quinn?"
he whispered something but i couldn't hear.
"quinn? can you repeat that" saul asked
he leaned up.
blood started pooling from his mouth and his monitors went off.
"respiratory arrest" i sighed, closing my eyes.
"shouldn't of fucking done this"

quinn was back on the ventilator
"nurse, we'll let you know if anything changes"
"thank you, doctor" i nodded
i stepped outside the room.
carrie and saul approached me. i let out a sigh.
"i know you probably-" carrie started
"what do you need?"
"the name of the doctor you saw in that apartment" she whispered.
i shook my head "he never told us his name"
"i wasn't there long enough to find out either"
carrie nodded her head
"he lived in that red brick building you were talking about?"
"yeah" i sighed
"thank you for all the help, cassandra"
"you're doing the right thing" saul nodded
"really? because whatever i'm doing isn't helping quinn"
carrie looked down
"we'll be back later"
i nodded my head and went back into the hospital room, sitting in the same chair i'd been in for the past couple days.
i reached in my purse and pulled out my phone. i dialled my younger sister, nadia.
"hello?"
"nadia" i said
"cassandra?"
"i haven't heard from you in two weeks"
nadia and i were a year apart. younger, we were so close. now she lives in new york.
"yeah, i'm sorry"
"nadia, i just want you to know that i love you" i sighed
"is everything okay?"
"yeah"
that was a lie. nothing felt okay right now. nothing at all.