a glimmer of hope

29.

Season 6 x 02
The Man in the Basement

quinn opened his eyes as i sat up in the bed.
"why did you lock the hallway door last night?" he mumbled
"you want the truth?"
he nodded his head.
"i didn't want you to run away"
"i needed to pee"
"i know, i helped you to the bathroom"
i rolled out of the bed, but before waddling to the bathroom, i turned around.
"it's not that i don't trust you quinn"
"i really want you to get better"
"i know you do, cass" he groaned
"are you hungry?"
"yeah" he sighed
"i'll be back" i nodded, making my way down the stairs.

i had a plate of eggs in my hand as i headed back up the stairs. when i got closer to the bedroom, i heard quinn listening to the news. more terrorism and politics shit playing on the tv.
"hey" i smiled
"none of that"
i grabbed the remote, turning the channel.
"why not?"
"not good for your mindset" i smiled
i handed him the plate, he started eating.
"you eating?"
"i did" i nodded
"are you tagging along with me to my appointment?"
"do i have a choice?" he said between bites.
"you always have a choice"
"ironic"
"you always have a choice with me"
i shook my head
"you can stay here"
"thank you"
i nodded my head
"i'll be in the shower, okay?"
——
it was a little after noon when i got out of the shower, i dried off my body and oiled my belly. then, i put my bra on, brushing out my hair.
i stepped out from the bathroom, and into my closet.
"do you think its cold outside?"
"beats me" quinn sighed
i leaned my hand against the closet wall.
"not like much is fitting anyways"
i put on a black long sleeve and stepped into a pair of stretchy pants.
"your friend is coming over later"
"a babysitter?"
"just so you don't fall down the stairs or something" i shrugged
"who?"
"max"
he let out a laugh.
"fucking max"
i went back into the bedroom.
"you got dressed" i smiled
he nodded his head "yeah"
"what's wrong with max?"
"nothing"
i reached for two pill bottles on my bedside.
"you take your pills and i'll take mine"
"i don't want to take these" he groaned
"you don't have to take the other pills but you have to take these ones"
"i don't want you to have a seizure"
i popped one of my prenatals in my mouth.
"take the pills please"
"i won't make you take the others"
he looked at me
"i promise, quinn"
he put them in his mouth, taking a sip of water.
"open"
he opened his mouth, no pills in there.
i smiled "thank you"
"max should be here any second"
"you need to call me if you need me, okay?"
"okay, cass" he nodded
"i'll see you when i get back"
"how long?"
"an hour and a half at most"

i sat on the bed in the doctors office. my belly laid out in the open as the doctor washed her hands.
"so, cassandra, how're you doing?"
"i think i'm doing pretty well lately"
"everything okay with your spouse?"
"everything's getting better, yeah"
"he's doing well"
"let's look at this baby, huh?"
i nodded my head.
she squeezed the lubricant on my skin, getting the ultrasound probe ready.
"so, you're weight is much better than when i saw you last"
"baby is looking good" she added
"yeah, my appetite has come back" i smiled
"she's going into a perfect downward position"
"heartbeat is good" she added
"the urine sample came back okay?"
"it did" she nodded
"honestly, cassandra, your baby girl is looking very healthy"
"thank you, doctor" i sighed
"you okay?" she asked
i ran my hand through my hair.
"yeah, i'm just relieved"
"glad my baby girl is coming soon" i smiled
"yeah, the next time i see you she'll probably be here" she smiled
———
i opened the door to the house, setting my bag on the table.
"hey, max, how's it going?" i smiled
he was typing on a laptop
"alright"
"how's quinn?"
he turned around on the chair, facing me.
"cassandra?"
"what's up, max?"
"he's really depressed"
"he fucking hates his life"
"i know"
"it's carrie" i whispered, stepping closer to him.
"she would make these visits to quinn in the rehab centre"
i ran my hand through my hair.
"it really got to him"
"i mean, he was doing drugs"
"so i brought him here" i shrugged
"i feel like i'm the only person he feels even a little bit decent around"
"i guess it'll take a little bit to accept that he's not really the old quinn anymore" max shrugged.
he was right. quinn came back, he was psychically here. but it wasn't the same. everyone needed to accept that. i love him, im glad he's alive, but it's not the same.
"he also nearly had a seizure in the corner store"
"i didn't know if i should tell you that or not"
my eyes went wide.

i went downstairs, quinn was laying in bed.
"cass" he smiled
"how's the baby?"
"she's doing great" i smiled
"i'll probably be delivering pretty soon"
"heard you nearly had a seizure"
he nodded his head
"can i ask you something?"
i smiled "anything"
"what happened to me?"
quinn seemed like his normal self. like the one before this all happened. completely lucid.
the drugs must've worn off.
"you didn't like the rehabilitation centre so i brought you home"
"no, i mean before, before all this"
he was laying in the bed, i sat down next to him.
"you mean you don't remember?"
he shook his head "not really"
"do you remember getting shot?"
"yeah"
"the last thing i remember was being in a truck"
"with those men from the apartment?"
"i guess so"
"jihadis" i said
"there were videos all over the news of you"
"they captured you and tried to kill you"
this was the first time i was saying all of this out loud.
"can i see them?"
i shook my head
"quinn are you sure you want to do this?"
"show me, cass"
i pulled out my phone, searching for the video.
i played it, quinn watched.
i couldn't. it brought me all back.
"turn it off" he said after a minute
he looked at me with a blank face.
"i flew over there when they tried to find you, trying to help"
"they would let me in the ambulance but apparently you flatlined"
"thirty minutes you were dead"
"why did you save me?" he asked
i looked at him, everything about this made me begin to cry.
"i didn't have a choice"
"the CIA decided"
i tried to blink away the tears, but they fell down my cheeks.
"carrie did" i whispered.
"i knew it's not what you would've wanted"
"especially when you haemorrhaged"
"after your brain surgery carrie and everyone left"
"it was just me left praying over your bedside"
"waiting for you to wake up" i shrugged
"they should've let me die"
i nodded my head.
"i love you, quinn"
"and you're doi-"
"i love you too, cass"
i stoked his hair.
"i'm sorry"
"i'm so sorry" i repeated
"if i could change any of this, i would"