Already Home // Harry Styles

Non-Stop

18th June, London. Wembley pt1.

For 4 days it felt like all of central London had become its own little HarryFest. Everywhere I went there were trails of feathers and stick on jewels, cowboy hats, feather boas, clothing donned with fruits or love hearts. The fans sang his songs in the streets of Wembley, Tube stations had put up special signs dedicated to the shows. Shops seemed to have more Harry merchandise out than normal. It was quite surreal how big and momentous this felt.  The excitement in the air was palpable. There was a feeling that this was going to be a big week. For everyone involved it seemed.

Then there was the fact that almost the whole of Harry's family and friends were in town. My friends were coming. Practically all of Jeff's team were showing up. It was non stop socialising and things to do. It was kind of exhausting to be honest. I can't even imagine how Harry has coped.
It was a long week, so I'll just give you the highlights otherwise we will be here forever!

That morning of the first show day I left Harry asleep in bed. We spent a lot of the night awake and I wanted to let him have as much rest time as he could get. I set an alarm so he wouldn't miss his call time, turned on the coffee machine, left him some breakfast ready in the fridge and left a little note on the pillow telling him I Love Him. The romantic gestures are most definitely not something that comes natural to me so I surprised myself a little with that one. Actions were important though I thought. I struggled with that a lot with Charlie as I was the one with the words and he was the one with the actions and that didn't seem to work really. I think we aggravated each other equally with that at times so I wanted to make a conscious effort this time around to do more, show more. Words were never enough on there own.

That first day there was a big family lunch. Anne, Des, Gemma, all their partners, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, family friends, too many people to count. It was stressful. I was looking forward to seeing everyone but I was most definitely stressed. So many people to be around could be exhausting, no matter how much you adore them. It just zapped your social battery you know? I was still quite rattled from the events of the night before but I had to push through. Some of these people I hadn't seen or spoken to in years. I hadn't seen Anne since the Tokyo debacle or Des since Christmas. I wasn't just showing up now as this 'on the fringe' family friend, no. I was now showing up as Harry's partner and I know I shouldn't feel any type of way about it but I did. I felt a pressure I didn't expect. It was almost like that nervous anxiety you get when you're first meeting the parents you know? It was weird.

After arriving and what felt like forever of saying hello and having a quick catch up I finally got to sit down between Gemma and Anne who had thoughtfully saved me a seat there. That was a kind gesture although I assumed it was also so they could get the low down on what's been going on. In a way of pure care and concern I mean. I didn't think there was anything nefarious there, I just thought they wanted to be caught up. Can't blame them, I would be doing the same thing.

"You alright sweet pea?" Anne asked, squeezing my hand on top of the table as I settled in.

"I'm good, how are you guys?" I asked, smiling to both women at my sides.

"Things are good" Anne nodded.

We spent a few minutes catching up on each others lives before they delved into me and Harry and how it's been going. I already knew I was going to be completely transparent today. I had a good think about it but really it made no sense to keep my feelings hidden. Not only can they see right through me when I'm hiding something but I could do with their advice.

"You know when we had a few days away in the middle of nowhere Scotland, things couldn't have possibly been better, truly. I never knew such levels of contentment or happiness could exist for me, I swear. It was perfect. And then we come to the real world and we are encircled by people and things just get messy and we argue. We've had a couple of big arguments already aswell as little ones. We shouldn't be arguing this soon. Our communication should be way way better than it is so I dunno. That scares the hell out of me. It shouldn't be this hard this early, you know? But then I remember that sense of peace and joy I get in those few moments when it's just us two and it's worth fighting for. I'm completely in love with him and sometimes I really feel like I'm certain I would drop anything and follow him to the ends of the earth. But I'm really scared still, all the time. It's confusing and quite exhausting if I'm honest" I said as quietly as I could. As much as I'm happy to open up to these two women whom I trust with my life, I didn't need everyone knowing the ins and outs of our business.