Already Home // Harry Styles

Don't Let Me Go

20th June, Cardiff

The day we left London was tense. Harry picked me up mid morning the next day to drive to Cardiff. Tony was driving this time. A rental car since the next month would just be hopping from city to city. It made more sense for Harry to leave his car here and it meant there was chance for some sleep on the journey.
It was tense in that car. A frustrated, negative energy coming out of Harry.
He barely spoke, just opened an arm out on the back seat for me to lean up against him. He slept most of that 4ish hour journey apart from once when he woke up and mumbled "I need you".
"I'm right here. Go back to sleep" I assured him which seemed to satisfy him enough.

Originally the whole team were booked into a couple of hotels around Cardiff city centre but Tony received a phone call just after we crossed the border.
"Apparently it's been published where you are staying. Toms booked a house just outside of Cardiff for you guys instead" he informed us.
That sounded nicer anyway.

"Okay you, hit me with it" I finally said once we had settled in and Tony had left for wherever he was staying.

"With what?" He asked, pouring two glasses of red wine and sitting himself at the dining room table.

"Wherever you've been all day" I said with a smile, tapping at his temple with my forefinger.

"I'm sorry, I know I've been out of it" he said with a laugh that didn't seem quite real as he grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles.
"I talked to Jeff and it just sent me through a loop"

"Ok, so tell me" I said, holding onto his hand and squeezing it.

"I asked him what he was thinking bringing Clem there. He said she had contacted him and he thought it was a good idea. Spouted some crap about how she understood the lifestyle, how she could handle it, how she wasn't tied down to one place or whatever. Said he thought it would be easier for me. That I could just be with her instead and it would all work out. It was all such bullshit Addy. I was so pissed off. And hurt, I mean, isn't he supposed to be a friend as well as my manager? Who in their right mind would do something like that?" He said, rubbing at his forehead with his free hand. A pang flushed through my chest. It made sense. It wasn't nice or kind or anything you should be doing to a friend but the logic did make sense. Wasn't that some of the reasons I was so hesitant in the first place? I wouldn't fit in or would be able to keep up with the hectic lifestyle Harry lived? After all, I was so adamant I was going to keep my job and my normal life. My new weekly therapy was also making me realise how important it was to keep my independence and keeping true to myself. A self I was really now figuring out now I was working through my trauma.

Mostly I was just really sad for Harry. He looked so hurt by Jeff's actions and I understood it. Harry's close circle was pretty small. It had to be for obvious reasons and Jeff was one of the closest people to him.

"I don't know. I guess he has his reasons. Don't let your head go to a place where he's being malicious, or evil. It was maybe just a bad call on his part you know?" I shrugged. I was most definitely being too nice about it all but I just wanted Harry to stop hurting. And I knew that they would need to mend this relationship "What did you tell him?" I asked, really wanting to know if this was going to be a future problem.

"I told him that it was unacceptable. That my life was mine and I get to choose what I do with it. I told him that there are some people that sparkle in the sunshine and glow in the dark, some people that make a trip to the moon out of a walk to the park. I told him you are the one, you know?" He said, leaning back in his chair with a sigh.

"A trip to the moon huh?" I smiled, squeezing his hand once more.

"I'm sorry Ads. I don't want to put you in situations where you feel sad or hurt. I'm so angry about it. I wanna be with you and I want to make you happy and I just wanna keep doing that forever" he said grabbing his glass and taking a long swig.