Dream Of You (Jensoo)

La Douleur Exquise

Defined as: the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable

••••••••••

"You finally found time for me!" Jisoo remarks sarcastically but there's a hint of sadness.

I haven't been able to meet her for a few months because of my training schedule.

I smile. "Hi Jisoo." I sit across from her.

"I ordered for you," she says hesitantly. "Mocha with 3 shots of expresso."

I nod. "Thanks."

She frowns and leans a bit forward. "Are you okay?" She asks softly.

I nod. "Yeah. Why?"

"You look.....you lost a lot of weight," she observes.

I did. With the diet program Inna put me on, I feel tired all the time and I fall asleep as soon as I hit the bed in my apartment. I get a good enough salary from the rink for skating at competitions and representing them that I don't need to worry about my rent or any other job. It's a good gig.

"So?" I say and look out the window.

"Jennie.....You don't look healthy," she replies quietly.

I glare at her. "I feel fine. I don't need you to worry about me as well. You aren't my mom."

Jisoo tightens her jaw. "I'm just looking out for you Jennie. Don't turn this into something."

"I don't need you tell me what to do. I have enough people in my life telling me what I should do," I say coolly.

She takes a deep breath and gets out of the booth.

I glance up at her angrily. "So you're going to leave now?!"

She slides in next to me with our sides pressed against each other. She wraps an arm around my shoulders and brings my head onto her shoulder. I lean comfortably into her warmth and she plays with the strands of my hair near my face.

"There's something you should know about me: I'm not the type of person to run away after it gets hard Jennie. I would rather push through and talk to the person than give up. I would never leave you when you're not feeling yourself."

I nod and she rests her cheek on top of forehead and uses her free hand to play with my fingers.

There's something she should know about me that I don't want to tell her:

I am the type of person that runs away when it gets hard.

••••••••••

I blink my eyes open.

I sit up and think about this memory.

What I said was true. I hate confrontation and I hate fights. It's easier to just walk away.

But why was this memory so important? Is it trying to tell me something? What did I walk away from?

It's Saturday so no rush to get up quickly but I still check the time and see that it's 8 in the morning.

I stand up and go to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and wash my face a bit before walking out of my bedroom.

I walk down the stairs and I see Jisoo sitting at the dining table with a cup of coffee and her laptop.

I walk across the wood furnished floors until I'm standing across the table from her.

"Good morning," I say.