🖤His soul tainted by the devil 🖤was my angel call🤍 KIMCHAY AU 🤍

1. Anxious night 🌪

(I hope that you could have read the trigger warning in the welcoming words or in the # 💗 take care love you 💗)

The taste of his mind caught into a beautiful lie never had been this violent for Kim. The door of his lost rationality had been opened so urgently that it was strangling him from emotion to physical pain. He could feel now all the weight of what had been his relationship but should have been called a manipulation from the beginning. Kim was, for the first time, feeling the heaviness of all that tortured him for months. He could now understand how all of his own self was scattered inside of the reflection of the devil who took his soul. That thing was chewing on his emotions, controlling them and aiming for his flesh each time it wanted to destroy, day by day, a little part, becoming soon big, of his own reality. The spell had been poisoning his blood, making it metaphorically flow each time the devil thought it was dinner time, nourishing itself from the scariness in Kim's eyes.

And scared he was now. In his bed. At night. Looking at the ceiling. Kim was looking at the image of that person appearing without his call in his brain. He wasn't looking at it, it was coming without his will on the screen of his eyes and pouring a movie which scent could have made him puke. Terrified. What Kim felt was being terrified by what he just lived, becoming a vivid past, more throbbing than when he was living in, and his brain, not strangled anymore, could show the real face of the demon.

His real nature which had been possessing Kim's happiness for weeks. And days. And gravitation never had felt this shattering, smashing Kim in his bed, feeling the sheets deep against his skin. Everything was fake, nothing of this was real but the huge weight of the demon in his brain was real. He was sure. It was real, here, breathing and the more it breathed, the more Kim's own breath was getting erratic. His chest, up and down, down and up and up down up in a rhythm closer to a suffocation. Kim was struggling with his own emotions, they were fighting on a stage in his head, making fall through his tears all of the fear he had been hiding in the secret door of his mind. This one knew that something was bad. Something wasn't normal but it was only now that it could scream, scream and be heard, scream and create a storm into Kim's night.

He was having an anxiety attack.

His cries were chaotic, his breath couldn't take a pause, his mind was pushing more rapidly horrible images in his brain than he was thinking and taking the time to analyze it. The monster wasn't here anymore but it never had felt this close now that his perfect costume was out, revealing the deepest darkness of his nature. Kim couldn't even understand what he was feeling. He felt. Felt. Felt. So violently that he hoped to not feel anymore, what could he do ? He was all alone in his apartment. And he couldn't come to ask for help. He couldn't. He wasn't alone but he felt more alone in his head than he ever had been. He was him, inside, alone, with all of the him that had been crushed through the past days.

And they were all sobbing their despair making it hard for Kim to feel at one. Mouths were metaphorically appearing on all of his skin or organs, taking their revenge. It was this. Taking its revenge because Kim never had listened to them. He had just followed, letting his body and his emotions aside, and now it was free. Free to take their will. Free to show to himself that they were here. They needed to be seen, the scars, not as physical scars, wanted, needed to be taken off and Kim was slowly feeling himself dive into the darkness of his own reality. It wasn't that he didn't want to see it, he just didn't have the strength to feel and analyze it all at the same moment.

This night was for him, now, the real monsters. But he knew that all that he was feeling was the fault of the demon that image was still dancing in the dark, on the scars that were now crying their soul out.

A ring from his phone broke the vicious circle. Kim couldn't, for minutes, move. He didn't want to talk. He didn't want to say anything or more like he had developed a way through that relationship making him lose his ability to reach someone when it was needed for him. He had learnt to hide because deep, really deep, inside of him, he knew that what was happening couldn't be described as a healthy relationship. It was the toxicity of the madness and the violent power some used against one soul. Not a naive soul. Not a soft soul. A soul who lost its path and anyone could have been in the same situation. Anyone. But for now, Kim really thought that he was the only stupid human to have fallen strongly for the worst one who had taken a real pleasure to break him in two, or more in millions of little pieces, harder to put together now.

Another ring.

Kim fought. He fought with his own messed up state to extend his arm and take it with his hands. He was still crushed against his bed but his whole existence was feeling lighter when he saw the name.

"Porchay."

Porchay's message.

"P'Kim...I wanted to know if after today you were feeling alright...."

"I hope that you are sleeping. Sweet dreams."

Kim looked at it but couldn't come to answer. He was sleeping. Yes, he thought that he should have been sleeping too much to not be able to understand what was happening. Yes, he should have been sleeping too much for believing all of that bullshit and now having slept too much on his own needs, Kim couldn't sleep at all, the dark circle on his heart spreading through his body to put the final end to the masquerade by putting poisoned seed in his body, by letting dark flower, with the demon's blood inside, continue his devilish small work, even far from him.