🖤His soul tainted by the devil 🖤was my angel call🤍 KIMCHAY AU 🤍

17. Know 📣

(Hi🥺💗✨️ how are you doing ? I hope that everything is alright 🫂 I will post the last chapters of this au 🥹💗✨️ thank you for reading take care 💗 love you 💗)

"P'Kim...what...do we..." Porchay asked, sitting on the bed, next to him. Sitting and just in silence.

The sent text was as simple as this: Porchay asking to talk and promising that Kim's words would be his. Porchay just wanting to stop this cold tempest between them, he got warmer to hope melting the barriers created between them.

It was as simple as this and yet it took Kim some days to answer and some articles, or forum or even some piece of art to read for him to try having a conversation. And now that they were here, Kim saw Porchay but he felt a menace. Such a menace around them, something not clearly in the light, something which was coming from himself, from his rottent side and something that would have made him run away if Porchay wasn't just a friend.

Because it had been more than clear, instead, that the "badum" he heard in him wasn't just an accident. It wasn't just in the moment, it wasn't just a sound or even some letters put together to give a physical sense to this. It was felt, it was inside. And Kim had hours to think about this first : why was he feeling this?

It could have been for bad reasons, because Porchay was here for him, because of a syndrom hero, because of him being a shield, because Kim being loved again was such a miracle that he would just jump on the idea.

In fact, Porchay was definitely still an angel but he was still immaculate. It wasn't because he was all of this that he heard this sound, it was because he was Porchay, because he had those round cheeks and this humor, because he had this laugh and those cute bangs, it was because he was himself but it took already two days for Kim to tidy those thoughts.

It looked like living everydays on a bomb field. At every step, it could explode, it could bring him back in despair, it could push far away even more the happiness, or the shape of happiness he thought that he was feeling, just minding him, himself and no one else. But it was also a thing that was similar to hiding. It was similar to just running away. He had faced such fights, battles and breakdowns for some years but now he was just standing by and he only discovered that he was when the idea of just ignoring it all and closing his eyes felt the better he could choose. Wasn't it the same about what he did for years? Not talking about it, living out of everything, just letting his brain hide it from him until it couldn't keep the pressure anymore. Kim had a familiar feeling with this and as much as he didn't want to think about it, he also didn't want to explode anymore. Though he didn't see this by himself, he needed to read or hear testimony, he needed to have some other views than his own because if he was honest, he would have already run away a long time ago, the exact moment he decided to not answer the group chat, it was the beginning of his hide and seek challenge. The one only making him sick at the end.

"Honestly...I have no idea." Kim said, in his usual calm tone and playful eyes. It kinda reassured Porchay who thought that he might have brought back terror in Kim's life, he might have but the boy it wasn't the younger's will.

"We can just forget. You know we can just go erase and continue as we are." Porchay just smiled sincerely, with a kind of a bitter feeling coming through his face, only Kim saw because he knew him so well, he knew him, what a great way to give confidence to Kim, what a great way...

"We can't...it will just linger there and one day it won't be possible to ignore it."

"I don't see...any other solution..."

"To be totally honest now, I would have liked to do this, to just tell you that no we weren't near kissing the last time." And just saying it out loud was so triggering for Kim. "Yeah...I would have loved, really loved but...it is just another battlefield right? And do we back down?"