🖤His soul tainted by the devil 🖤was my angel call🤍 KIMCHAY AU 🤍

6. Coffee cup ☕️

(Hi 🥹✨️💗 hoping that you are doing good, sending you warmth 🫂✨️ posting some of the next chapters, thank you for reading, take care 💗 love you💗)

"Wait- wait for me!" Porchay had said, running inside. Kim's brain was falling down the way, not understanding his path anymore. It just hurt so much. It hurt. It opened his skin with a hot knife, burning everything on its way. He didn't know why he didn't understand. All he felt was that something not possible happened. It couldn't be possible. He couldn't lose him. He was violently heartbroken. He just witnessed love fading away in some words. It left it and he naturally sat next to garbage. He felt like this, good to be thrown away. It was as if he had lost a part of his brain, as if his cries were more than just because of the break up. It felt unbearable but not just to not be together anymore, he couldn't know why now. In reality, the manipulation gave him a dependance. 

Each word was listened to and he was doing everything to meet the man's needs. Now he was like a broken mechanic more than a broken heart, he was more a broken bowl more than a broken heart. He couldn't do anymore what that person tried to make him think he should always do. And he felt so unstable, so far away from himself. The departure left a hole in himself, a hole that would soon and naturally let all of the poison flow through it, to the surface. Overwhelming the rational brain who had tried to get away all of this time.

"Why are we here?" Kim asked, sitting on a table inside the bar.

"Wa-wait!" Porchay said again, going away. Kim chuckled, was he always going to tell him to wait?

Porchay could see better through the artificial lights, his red eyes hurt, his cheeks stained and his sadness. He sighed. He couldn't let him next to the garbage. The image shocked him. How could he just lean on it? Accept it? How? And he looked so lost. He was wandering without moving as if his body was dead. Porchay came back with two cups of coffee. He thought that taking one for himself would cheer him up to drink.

"For you." He said, putting it on the table and sitting.

"I don't want to...drink..."

"P'Kim! You cried...a lot! You need to get liquid back!" He said seriously.

"It doesn't work like this...and it's water...and not coffee..." He said with a soft smile, it should have been a smirk, usually, but it wasn't.

"P'Kim...then, you are cold! It's hot!...Let's drink together ?" He asked, pouting.

"Okay...okay..." Kim said drinking a small amount. He smiled looking at it, his lips mumbled a little but he bit it to blood.

"P'Kim...why don't you cry?" Porchay asked in the softest voice.

"...I am not....a crying person..." He hardly said.

"P'Kim...if you need to cry...cry...I can stop looking at you if you prefer..."

"I won't." And Porchay could see his throat tense because he resisted the need to let it out.

"Can I...ask...what happened?"

"I just got...dumped..." He stopped his voice from breaking.

"I am sorry...P'Kim..."

"It's okay..." He said showing the cup of coffee.

"If I can ask...you can not answer but...was this a long time relationship?"

"Not really...it was about...four weeks..."

Porchay just nodded. He didn't want to give any judgment. One day. One month. Time can be different for everyone. He thought that he could feel as he felt just because he felt. It was his emotions. But his silence got Kim the wrong idea. He didn't want to talk to not say something bad but he let instead Kim took meaning away from the void.

"Am I...pathetic?" He asked, looking at his cup of coffee.

"No...not at all! P'Kim...you loved so if you loved, it is okay to feel this bad..." Even if he looked more devastated than anything and it was surprising, seeing someone this attached quickly. Kim should just be a soft soul. Porchay could only think about this. It wasn't that unusual. He didn't ask more.

"Thank you...." He said, standing and going away, ruffling Porchay's hair while walking next to him. And he went away, letting Porchay worried. It was sad even if it was happening everydays, on tv, in books, it was still sad but he got an idea. He wanted to help his colleague now that he knew enough to understand his behavior of the last weeks, far from the core but close from the door of it.

—-

Kim was looking better the next days, even if everyone knew what happened. Porchay said it briefly that something happened, and when Chan asked if he needed him too, Porchay denied last night. With more than one person Kim wouldn't talk. He also asked them to not ask anything to Kim if he didn't show anything. Yok and Chan nodded. And they smiled when he went away. "He is reading Kim better than us...it took so much time for us to understand him..."

"Chan...it's only because he tries to understand everyone equally...it's just him....though it's concerning for Kim...I never saw him this bad..."

"What's concerting? We go to concert?" Mark asked innocently, making them laugh. He was still too young and refreshing their adult and serious brain.

And he was right. Kim acted as if nothing happened even if his chest was trembling sometimes. Even if his eyes were red. Even if his voice was raspy and his work less productive. He acted like he loved in public and ignored all of his feelings because he was in public. The strategy didn't work well because the more he restrained it the more it wanted to jump out of his mouth, to cry a river of nonsense and to smash everything with his punch, but mostly himself. Everything was his fault, shouldn't he beat himself up? Everything was his, it was all that his brain was capable of analyzing. All that he understood from their last call. It was clear and obvious and it hurt more.

At lunch he went away, alone, on a bench, outside. He didn't want to face anyone outside of his work. His work was his point of focus, his surviving spot to not think too much. He couldn't give even more effort to socialize. It was the first time that Kim didn't eat with them. It was weird and the reality was that he wanted to not be alone. But how to act like usual when your brain was a mess? How to decide rationally when your brain couldn't think anymore. It was better, in every way, to feel the void around him to soothe the loud voices inside of his mind. Balancing.

Porchay was the one to not let him do it. He came slowly to Kim, walking step by step, knowing that he might impose himself but he didn't want to stay. In fact, it wasn't his reason. "P-P'Kim?" He mostly murmured.

Kim turned around surprised. His face didn't let any meaning be seen for the boy. He didn't know what effects his view had. And Kim also didn't know how to react. "I am just here...to give you this..." He said giving Kim lunch. "It isn't handmade but it's better than sandwiches..."

Kim looked at the apple, in his bag, he had taken to eat. He had a discreet smile, extending his hand to take it. "Thank you...but why?"

"I just thought that...you might not have the will to cook even if you love it...so I wanted to just cheer you up..."

Kim's mind crushed on the ground. Those words made him realize something. Now that he was out of this, some of his natural behavior was coming out of the surface and it slapped him hard. He stayed quiet for a moment. It needed to be said. It needed to be out. That thing was stuck in a prison for so much time that now it was exploding. Words were spreading in all of his body and he was weirded by this. How could he do it if he was like this?

"P'Kim, are you okay?" Porchay asked, standing closer in front of him.

Kim raised his head to him, confused. So confused and lost. He could only mumble. "In-in fact...I-...I hate to cook..."