🖤His soul tainted by the devil 🖤was my angel call🤍 KIMCHAY AU 🤍

14. Angel in a battle 🤍

(Hi 🥺💗 I hope that you are doing well 🫂🫠💗 sending you sunshines ✨️ take care💗 love you 💗)

Walking had never been easy, walking had never been easy, walking, walking, why was he walking ? Couldn't he run ? Run. What was happening? Who was there ? And the shadow still behind, and the run not happening. And the suffocation and the strangle of fear and the night and he felt trapped, and what was this and why was he and what was happening run run run

Demons!

Kim woke up, his body frozen from head to toe and his breathing hard. He needed a moment to remember who he was and that he had been sleeping, nothing he just lived was real, he was in his bed, safe and protected, alone but not outside in the world. He didn't know have to be scared, not at all. Kim repeated all of this to himself and could dive into reality again. He had walked, walked there and walked so far. So, so far. He had been running, running so well, but sometimes running wasn't working, running wasn't possible and he felt as if he would be in danger again. But it wasn't, it was some nightmares, anxiety, it was some consequence but he was free. He was. Kim sat on his bed, he sat and sighed, taking a gulp from his water bottle. He took his phone, checked things to try getting his mind out of it. He checked mostly nothing at this hour. However, he saw that Porchay sent him some funny videos of cats on the app. He opened and smiled. He didn't know if the boy knew how much it felt good for Kim to suddenly receive a notification and thinking "oh yes" someone was still thinking of me, now, when we weren't together. And Kim answered, he answered and it was late and thought that nothing would come but a notification appeared some seconds after.

"See? Cats are life, you better have a cat."

"Only if you take care of the cat with me."

Kim stared at his answer, and sent, it felt weird to talk about taking care of an animal like a couple, a couple of friends maybe, but he kinda didn't care. In the whole ashes of everything, Kim needed to learn again how to not restrain himself, how to not think that his existence had been a weight like this man made him think. He wasn't and his friends everydays were here to remind him. Remind him that he could do it alone but if he needed a hand from the front or a push from the back to feel on his foot again, he could ask. They would answer, always, when they could.

Did Porchay know that Kim had a nightmare? No.

Did Porchay want to know when Kim was not okay? Yes.

Did he need to know now? No.

Porchay wasn't just a diary to write on when Kim wasn't feeling well, he was more, so much more and so if Kim felt that he had the strength to just sleep again, he would, he would because it was him and his past self and not him and the ones trying to help him. He would still be at the center and he needed to grow on his roots and not on Porchay's roots. So Kim smiled again when Porchay accepted the co-parenting for the cat. And he went to sleep, knowing he would come back, the monster, not a ghost anymore, the monster under his bed, his bed being his heart and mind. It had a form and it was not feared, not always, not often, but sometimes, because to face it, Kim had to see it for what it was in reality and not the whole masquerade this devil had created to push all the blame on Kim. The boy went back to sleep and he could, he could because the nightmare just slept with him too.

—-

There was still this huge uncomfortable feeling about love, those huge troubles when someone was talking about the emotion or when he was watching a series. But Kim was watching the series, even with homosexual in, less, it was a reality, less than the hetero one because he couldn't really project on them, but still he watched some men being in love. He still had the feeling that it would never happen to him and that it was made for others. He still suspected some characters of being bad before realizing that they couldn't, they were the main character of a romantic series, but he could enjoy it, as in a far away world, he could. And Tankhun was the happiest learning about this, about the fact that Kim wanted to watch that new series he had talked about with him. He was beyond happy and Kim was beyond the strange feelings of lying.